The Stranger On The Subway: Asking Questions

Talking to strangers is worth it, as it offers a certain profound joy, a real communion. If more people start talking to strangers, our broken society can be healed.

• The hardest thing about talking to strangers is the initiation of the conversation.
• On...

Another way to signal your attentive listening is to simply echo what the other person is saying.

Example:

The Stranger says: At that moment, I felt frustrated.

You: You were frustrated.

• When at a party, don’t ask ‘What do you do?’, instead, ask ‘What do you really want to do but cannot?’ or ‘Has your day lived up to your expectations?’
• When a store clerk asks you ‘can I help you?’, reply with ‘can I help you?’

The point is to be different an...

According to psychologists, talking to strangers can be taxing on the brain, and even small talk can seem stressful, tiring and cognitively demanding.

On the flip side, talking to strangers is a kind of workout that boosts our mental performance.

1. Proximity: Suddenly meeting a stranger and asking something will almost certainly fail. One has to be in the proximity of the stranger for a while to be accepted.
2. Don’t Make It An Interview: Being too interested in the other person c...

Asking something specific and humorous to a stranger is a risk, but if the timing is right, one can give a great first impression about being complex, empathetic, humourous and human.

Once the stranger recognizes you as a human, a bond is created and real conversat...

The main reason we don’t talk to strangers is simply because we don’t talk to strangers. People are simply not supposed to violate the norm of leaving other people alone at back alleys, parks and subways.

The trick is to acknowledge this handicap and pre-frame the ...

Listening can be for:

• Information
• What we know about
• What we want to experience.

We need to work more into the deep levels of listening for motivations, values and feelings.

Many people hate it when the small talk is of the weather, but fail to understand that it is actually a kind of code that helps people overcome their inhibitions and be ready to actually talk to the other person.

Once the person who has been approached feels comfortable, real talk...

We use scripted conversations to be on the safe side, as we fear that saying any unscripted word can trigger something unwanted in the other person.

While scripted conversations are efficient, they deny us the actuality of the other person, the stranger who may be just a friend we haven...

• While talking to strangers, we need to signal our engagement by summarizing or paraphrasing what the other person has said, to show that we were listening attentively.
• We need to amplify our visible engagement with eye contact and nodding, as the other person does no...