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Brain science to improve your relationships - Harvard Health Blog
Cognitive empathy
It activates a mentalizing network in the brain, which differs from the emotional mirroring mechanisms of emotional empathy.
What you can do: When trying to resolve a conflict, reflect on what they are saying, and then neutrally paraphrase what they are saying or intending.
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Key Ideas
Emotional intelligence
It is the ability to manage our own emotions and react to the emotions of others.
People who exhibit emotional intelligence have the less obvious skills necessary to get ahead in life, such as managing conflict resolution, reading and responding to the needs of others, and keeping their own emotions from overflowing and disrupting their lives.
5 key areas of emotional intelligence
- Self-awareness: it involves knowing your own feelings.
- Self-management: it involves being able to keep your emotions in check when they become disruptive.
- Motivation, for the sake of personal joy, curiosity or the satisfaction of being productive.
- Empathy: the skill and practice of reading the emotions of others and responding appropriately.
- Social skills: this can include finding common ground with others, managing others in a work environment and being persuasive.
Improving self-awareness
- Keep a journal of your emotions. At the end of every day, write down what happened to you, how you felt, and how you dealt with it.
- Ask for input from people who know you well about where your strengths and weaknesses lie, to gauge your perception from another’s point of view.
- Slow down (or meditate). The next time you have an emotional reaction to something, try to pause before you react.
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Relationship Advice From Counter-Terrorism Experts
According to leading counter-terrorism experts, the same methods that aid communication and co-operation with terrorists and criminal suspects can be applied at home and work to solve relationship issues.
As people turn hostile, and the conversation gets harder, the techniques usually used for gaining the trust and co-operation of violent criminals start to work on our loved ones.
Reverse Psychology
- The more we push someone to do something, the more they resist and rebel.
- The more urgently we need information from someone, the harder it could get for us to get it out of a person.
- Building rapport, and providing autonomy to the person help thaw out the relationship and get things moving.
Forming A Connection
- With the help of the right communication, attitude and gestures, a rapport can be formed with the other person (like a teenager or a spouse).
- The power balance needs to be restored/shared, so the person who is ‘closed’ finds a reason to open up.
- Threatening, blackmailing and trickery rarely work in such situations, with a humble, submissive and empathetic person having a much better chance at being effective.
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The Reason We Communicate
The essence of communication is to inform, influence, inspire, motivate, learn, socialize and build relationships. Communication makes possible persuasion, negotiation, and improved work delivery.
Improving Your Diction
Your style of speaking, or writing, choice of words while conveying your idea, or point of view are very powerful components in communicating with effectiveness and purpose.
The right word said the right way can make all the difference.
Increase Engagement
Your words need to be interesting both in terms of content (what is being said) and delivery (how it is being said) to be able to draw the people towards what you are trying to say.