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The Best Response to Criticism

Overvaluation of negativity

We tend to be more passive in life than we would be if we weighed negativity and positivity the same.

Bad outcomes seem to weight more in terms of punishment than good outcomes weight in terms of benefit, so it can seem sensible to speak out and try new things as infrequently as possible.

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The Best Response to Criticism

The Best Response to Criticism

https://www.raptitude.com/2014/12/the-best-response-to-criticism/

raptitude.com

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Key Ideas

Accepting criticism

Criticism weighs more on our emotions than praise does. 

We remember negative events more vividly than positive ones, and we give more emotional weight to a loss than an equivalent gain.

Elbert Hubbard

Elbert Hubbard

“To escape criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Criticism is not about you

Criticism is about all the critic’s experience, not the target’s. 

It all begins with an internal reaction between what the critic sees and what it reminds him of.

The critic is really just reacting to an appearance that happened to include you, filtered through his own worldview, emotional state, and personal experience. 

How we perceive criticism

While the process for the critic is very often superficial and ephemeral when we’re criticized we take it as an indictment of our selves directly, of our very being. 

From the sender, it may really mean “I don’t like what this seems like,” but to the recipient, it feels like “You shouldn’t be who you are.” This is why we keep thinking about it for hours or days.

Meet criticism with empathy

The most powerful tool for responding to criticism is empathy.

We are in a much better position to learn from criticism (and minimize its sting) when we think of it as something that is happening in someone else’s head.

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Turn The Heat Around

Make it your critic's job to prove themselves to you, rather than the other way around. 

99% of critics disappear when confronted with any kind of rigorous intellectual challenge....

Preparing For Battle

No one is going to engage in a serious debate with you when you look prepared for an academic beat down.

If someone attacks your work in a nasty way, don't get angry. Say instead something like:  “it’s interesting that you should say that because my research (cite some book or blog post) seems to suggest that the opposite is actually true. Is there some study or paper you can point me to that would validate your claim?”

Get Inspired

Use the criticism of your past work to generate ideas for new projects. 

For example, researching a response to a critic may lead you to read about or experience something you never would have before, which can open the door for all sorts of new experiments in your professional or personal projects.

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Embrace Your Imperfections

It's freeing and relaxing to stop holding yourself to insanely high standards. Success overwhelmingly requires failure and perseverance, not perfection.

So relax your standards ...

Pick Up The Phone

Shame works better if we keep it secret. So find the courage to do the counterintuitive thing and tell someone what happened -- invariably those conversations end with laughter.

Give Your Rants a Name, Too

Instead of feeling like it's some kind of valid feedback, this highlights how consistent the stories are. 

We have pretty much the same thoughts today that we had yesterday, which should clue us into the fact that they're habits, not necessarily truths.

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Why We Give Criticism
  • To help someone improve. Sometimes criticism is actual honest feedback.
  • To see a change that we would like. If we regularly read a magazine or blog, for example, there mi...
Why Criticism Hurts or Angers
  • The criticism is mean-spirited. If you use insulting or degrading language or put down the person in any way, they will focus on that, and not on the rest of the criticism.
  • If you focus on the person instead of their actions, you will make them angry or defensive or hurt.
  • They assume you’re attacking them. Some people can’t take criticism in a detached, non-personal way. 
  • They assume they’re right. Many people don’t like to hear that they’re wrong, whether it’s true or not.
How to Deliver Criticism Kindly
  • Don’t attack attack, insult, or be mean in any way
  • Talk about actions or things, not the person.
  • Don’t tell the person he’s wrong.
  • Don’t criticize at all. Give a positive suggestion instead.

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