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This Is How To Overcome Social Anxiety: 5 Powerful Tips Backed By Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Reappraisal

Just because you feel it doesn’t make it real. Feelings come from beliefs. Change the beliefs and feelings will change.

Research and anecdotal evidence show that the simple act of positively reimagining something can be enough to decrease anxiety.

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This Is How To Overcome Social Anxiety: 5 Powerful Tips Backed By Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

This Is How To Overcome Social Anxiety: 5 Powerful Tips Backed By Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2016/10/how-to-overcome-social-anxiety/

bakadesuyo.com

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Key Ideas

Reappraising Conversations

Imagining a conversation as a game you are to score as many points as you can. 
6: Shared feeling/experience (that’s when acquaintances become friends)
5: Confirmation of an emotion’s legitimacy
4: Pursuit of the topic
3: Acknowledgment
2: Implicit recognition (but changing the topic)
1: Perfunctory recognition (autopilot)
0: Denial/contradiction

Don’t Be Self-Centered

It’s key to connecting with people to suspend your ego; to put your own needs, wants and opinions aside. Anxiety does the opposite bringing your feelings and expectations to the forefront.

Focus on the other person. Simply listen to what they have to say and ask them to tell you more. 

Stoic Premeditation

Thoughtfully observe your fear and imagine the worst that could happen.

Realizing the consequences of what scares you are not too dire reminds you that you are not afraid of what other people will do but of the feelings it will cause in you. It’s a fear of something you will cause to yourself and that can be changed.

Noting/labeling

Tell yourself what you are feeling. Research shows that by naming it, the feeling is no longer an overwhelming amygdala emotional reaction; with a label the prefrontal cortex takes the reins, reducing the amygdala reaction.

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Feelings are summary judgments

Most of the time we don’t second guess them, and even if we do, they often end up overwhelming us. 

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Misunderstanding resilience

Resilience is most times associated with being tough. But that’s not gonna get you very far with feelings. Don't try to be invulnerable. Aim for flexibility instead.

You cannot avoid or resist all pain in life. But you can learn to live with your discomfort better.

"Solving" emotions

We have trouble dealing with feelings because the usual problem-solving rules don't really apply to them.

When faced with a problem, we can always avoid it or deny it. But attempting to resist negative feelings won’t work. Any attempt at suppression only amplifies them. We must go from avoidance to acceptance.

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The Power of Forgiveness

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

Dealing with Anger According to Context

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.

But that said, telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usually the best way to go. 

The Harms Of Holding Anger

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The "kindness pandemic"

Viruses aren’t the only things that spread through networks of people. Attitudes and behaviors do too. And we should take advantage of it. 
Spreading happiness and kindness right now is ...

Spreading connection

70% of our happiness comes from your relationships with other people. And the social distancing situation has left some with zero people around them. 
So reach out. Extended time without social contact is bad: Send a text, make that phone/video call, anything you want to let people know you care and are thinking about them.

Spreading help

Ask people if they need anything.  There are people out there in need of a little more than well wishes right now. And when people see others helping, they’re more likely to help. 

Also, if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it.

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