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This Is How To Overcome Social Anxiety: 5 Powerful Tips Backed By Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Stoic Premeditation
Thoughtfully observe your fear and imagine the worst that could happen.
Realizing the consequences of what scares you are not too dire reminds you that you are not afraid of what other people will do but of the feelings it will cause in you. It’s a fear of something you will cause to yourself and that can be changed.
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Key Ideas
Reappraising Conversations
5: Confirmation of an emotion’s legitimacy
4: Pursuit of the topic
3: Acknowledgment
2: Implicit recognition (but changing the topic)
1: Perfunctory recognition (autopilot)
0: Denial/contradiction
Don’t Be Self-Centered
It’s key to connecting with people to suspend your ego; to put your own needs, wants and opinions aside. Anxiety does the opposite bringing your feelings and expectations to the forefront.
Focus on the other person. Simply listen to what they have to say and ask them to tell you more.
Reappraisal
Just because you feel it doesn’t make it real. Feelings come from beliefs. Change the beliefs and feelings will change.
Research and anecdotal evidence show that the simple act of positively reimagining something can be enough to decrease anxiety.
Noting/labeling
Tell yourself what you are feeling. Research shows that by naming it, the feeling is no longer an overwhelming amygdala emotional reaction; with a label the prefrontal cortex takes the reins, reducing the amygdala reaction.
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The Power of Forgiveness
Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.
Dealing with Anger According to Context
Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.
But that said, telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usually the best way to go.
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Feelings are summary judgments
Most of the time we don’t second guess them, and even if we do, they often end up overwhelming us.
Negative feelings are very powerful and harder to question: we identify with them effo...
Misunderstanding resilience
Resilience is most times associated with being tough. But that’s not gonna get you very far with feelings. Don't try to be invulnerable. Aim for flexibility instead.
You cannot avoid or resist all pain in life. But you can learn to live with your discomfort better.
"Solving" emotions
We have trouble dealing with feelings because the usual problem-solving rules don't really apply to them.
When faced with a problem, we can always avoid it or deny it. But attempting to resist negative feelings won’t work. Any attempt at suppression only amplifies them. We must go from avoidance to acceptance.
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We all make bad decisions
While we may not like to admit this, we all are making a lot of bad decisions, be it our personal lives, careers or in our jobs. Here is what research says about making good decisions:
The right information, not more
If there is too much information, we tend to make the wrong decision, and even if our decision is well-researched and considered right, we end up dissatisfied.
The right information, even if less, provides clarity to make the right decision.
Gut feelings vs logic
A gut feeling, or an instinct, is often the right path, and points towards the right decision.
Ultra-rational, logical and unemotional decision-making does not guarantee that the decision taken will be the right one.
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