Five common truths that apply to people regardless of age, culture, or race, are:<ol><li>People want to be treated with dignity and respect.</li><li>People want to be asked, not told to do something.</li><li>People want to know why they are asked or ordered to do something.</li><li>People want to be given choices rather than threats.</li><li>People want a second chance.</li></ol> If you want to say something and it goes against any of the 5 rules, it's best not to say them. It's better to explain why something is a certain way. If you don't know, find out.

 “Because those are the rules.”

The question implies that someone is acting out of line and makes people defensive. First choose words of reassurance, then paraphrase what the perceived problem is. “Let me see if I understand your position…”

“Why don’t you be reasonable?”

This phrase sounds sarcastic and does not help the conversation. It may also seem like you want to duck responsibility. Instead, think of ways to help the person solve the problem or point the person toward someone who can help them if you are unable to help. If neither of the options is possible, offer an apology. For example, “I’m sorry, I do not know what to recommend, but I wish I did.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

<h1>The words "Calm down!" makes people feel criticised and suggests their reasons are invalid for being upset.</h1><h1></h1><h1>Instead of saying, "Calm down," try saying, "It's going to be alright. Talk to me. What's the matter?" It shows that you want to understand the person's circumstances better and are open to talking things through.</h1>

“Calm down!”

This phrase is a lie, as most people say it repeatedly. Instead, try saying in a calm voice, “Listen, it’s essential that you get this point, so pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you.” Another technique is to list what you want the person to do and encourage them to consider it.

“I’m not going to say this again.”

The problem with this phrase is that the problem bounces right back onto the person who requires help. It also signals a "you-versus-me" battle rather than an "us" discussion. Choose to soften your language by asking, "What's the matter?" or "How can I help?"

“What’s your problem?”

Ordering someone in the office to come to you may feel like you have authority but can damage their respect for you. Instead, saying in a calm voice, "Would you mind if we chatted for a bit?" or "May I talk to you?" is more effective as people feel they can act of their free will.

"Come here!"

When it comes to both relationships and communication, I never would have imagined that the most valuable book I’d ever read would be written by a cop. But the late George J. Thompson — aka “Doc…

“What’s your problem?”

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