A Definition of Friendship

A Definition of Friendship

A friendship is a mutual relationship between two people that is satisfying, safe, and where both people feel seen.

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@iamnina

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Self Improvement

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In order for a relationship where both people feel seen, it must develop vulnerability.

As we spend more consistent time together, we are also incrementally revealing and sharing more of who we are with each other.  The more we let someone see us (always increasing our positivity with responses such as affirmation, acceptance, and empathy) then the more loved we’ll feel for who we are.

In order for a relationship to be safe, it must develop consistency.

Consistency is the action of repeating our time together which in turn develops our trust as we begin to create and modify expectations of each other. It’s what builds a shared history and increases our commitment and feeling of support in each other.

In order for a relationship to be satisfying, it must have a foundation of positivity.

Positive feelings are paramount to our friendships because these are the relationships we are entering by choice. We all want our friendships to add more joy, peace, and support to our lives.

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Support, trust, and honesty

Friendships are built on mutuality and reciprocity — be there for her, so that she will be there for you.

If you can’t be straight with her or feel the need to hide your actions or tell untruths, the relationship is being built on shifting sand and won’t be able to withstand any real challenges.

Friendships change

If our friendships are going to last a long time, we will have to accept that change will happen, and it won't always be comfortable.

If a friendship is feeling weird, use the concept called the "friendship triangle." The triangle base is positivity, and the two sides are consistency and vulnerability. Look at your friendship through this triangle to see what's off-balance.

  • Look for friends with common interests. 
  • Schedule a "first date. There is nothing wrong with inviting someone for coffee or dinner because you think you have something in common with them.
  • Make a commitment. Once you begin a friendship, you must be purposeful in developing it.
  • Have fun. These fun activities become the moments that offer the perfect balance to the challenges in life.

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