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Learn to Respond, Not React : zen habits

Being Mindful To Prevent Reactions

To be mindful, pay close attention to how your mind reacts. It means watching yourself when something happens that might normally trigger some kind of emotional reaction.

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Learn to Respond, Not React : zen habits

Learn to Respond, Not React : zen habits

https://zenhabits.net/respond/

zenhabits.net

4

Key Ideas

Responding

Consider what the most intelligent and compassionate response might be. What can we do that will help our relationship, teach, build a better team or partnership, make the situation better, calm everyone down, including ourselves? 

Pausing To Prevent Reactions

We must pause for however long it takes and prevent immediate actions based on internal reactions. We can watch the urge to act irrationally arise, breathe, and then let it go away.

If necessary excuse yourself and return to the issue only when you’re confident you can respond and not react.

Being Mindful To Prevent Reactions

To be mindful, pay close attention to how your mind reacts. It means watching yourself when something happens that might normally trigger some kind of emotional reaction.

Response And Reaction

A reaction is a thoughtless action often based on emotions, and it’s not the most rational or appropriate way to act. 

Responding, on the other hand, is taking the situation in, and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, cooperation, etc.

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Codependency

The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such a...

Signs of Codependency

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
  • Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
  • Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
  • Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
  • Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
  • Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

The Development of Codependency

When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.

As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.

Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.

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When you’re reacting, you’re not in control of your life

Your brain reacts to the bombardment of environmental stimuli coming its way. But while you’re definitely doing something, you’re rarely achieving your goals...

Make distractions harder to reach

When you have fewer things to react to or you make it harder to react to them, you’ll be less reactive.

When faced with distraction, keep your goals in mind

Thinking about your long-term goals when you’re tempted by distraction gives your brain a sense of control and can release dopamine which will make you feel better and more motivated.

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Examples of distorted thinking

  • Seeing the world in terms of black and white extremes. 
  • A tendency to magnify our faults and minimize our achievements. 
  • Taking an isolat...

Challenging beliefs

The first step is to become aware of which of these negative belief patterns you are susceptible to. Keep a journal and record your negative thoughts.

Ask yourself the following questions each time you experience negative beliefs.

  • What is my evidence for thinking this way?
  • Is there any evidence that doesn't support this belief?
  • Could there be other ways of interpreting this event?