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We must pause for however long it takes and prevent immediate actions based on internal reactions. We can watch the urge to act irrationally arise, breathe, and then let it go away.
If necessary excuse yourself and return to the issue only when you’re confident you can respond and not react.
A reaction is a thoughtless action often based on emotions, and it’s not the most rational or appropriate way to act.
Responding, on the other hand, is taking the situation in, and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, cooperation, etc.
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You can work with the unconscious to unearth its associations and align them more closely with your values and goals. Doing so, you can tap all the power the unconscious has to offer.
Left to its own devices, the unconscious mind creates inaccurate beliefs and self-imposed limitations. Its main goal is your survival and it does what it can to get rid of threats, even if it means derailing your conscious goals.
That said, the unconscious can also give the energy to accomplish your goals and offer a lot of intuitive wisdom. But to get to those benefits you need to help it transcend its useless limitations.
A reaction is instant and driven by the beliefs of the unconscious mind. When you say or do something “without thinking,” that’s the unconscious mind making decisions in your stead.
Responses, on the other hand, are slower and based on information from both the conscious and unconscious mind. A response takes into consideration the well-being of not only you but those around you, weighs the long term effects and your core values.
The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such a...
Ask yourself these questions:
When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.
Wanting to get away from the unhappiness doesn’t make it better. It usually just prolongs the pain.
Instead, tell yourself that it’s OK to feel unhappy. Pause and allow yourself to fee...
Being alive means feeling pain, feeling fear, feeling disconnected sometimes. Allow yourself to feel it, and imagine that this is what living feels like.
Because life isn’t numbness and avoidance, and it’s not all butterflies and sunshine.
Find three happy things in this moment to be grateful for.
Even small things we take for granted, like eyesight and music. Having relationships. Being supported by millions of people. Being able to do all the things you can do. You can find gratitude for any of these things, at any time.