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Learn to Respond, Not React : zen habits

https://zenhabits.net/respond/

zenhabits.net

Learn to Respond, Not React : zen habits
'Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? ~Lao Tzu Much of our lives is spent in reaction to others and to events around us. The problem is that these reactions might not always be the best course of action, and as a result, they can make others unhappy, make things worse for us, make the situation worse.

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Responding

Responding

Consider what the most intelligent and compassionate response might be. What can we do that will help our relationship, teach, build a better team or partnership, make the situation better, calm everyone down, including ourselves? 

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Pausing To Prevent Reactions

Pausing To Prevent Reactions

We must pause for however long it takes and prevent immediate actions based on internal reactions. We can watch the urge to act irrationally arise, breathe, and then let it go away.

If necessary excuse yourself and return to the issue only when you’re confident you can respond and not react.

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Being Mindful To Prevent Reactions

Being Mindful To Prevent Reactions

To be mindful, pay close attention to how your mind reacts. It means watching yourself when something happens that might normally trigger some kind of emotional reaction.

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Response And Reaction

Response And Reaction

A reaction is a thoughtless action often based on emotions, and it’s not the most rational or appropriate way to act. 

Responding, on the other hand, is taking the situation in, and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, cooperation, etc.

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Guiding The Unconscious Mind

You can work with the unconscious to unearth its associations and align them more closely with your values and goals. Doing so, you can tap all the power the unconscious has to offer.

...

The Unconscious Mind

Left to its own devices, the unconscious mind creates inaccurate beliefs and self-imposed limitations. Its main goal is your survival and it does what it can to get rid of threats, even if it means derailing your conscious goals.

That said, the unconscious can also give the energy to accomplish your goals and offer a lot of intuitive wisdom. But to get to those benefits you need to help it transcend its useless limitations. 

Of Reaction And Response

A reaction is instant and driven by the beliefs of the unconscious mind. When you say or do something “without thinking,” that’s the unconscious mind making decisions in your stead.

Responses, on the other hand, are slower and based on information from both the conscious and unconscious mind. A response takes into consideration the well-being of not only you but those around you, weighs the long term effects and your core values.

Codependency

The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such a...

Signs of Codependency

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
  • Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
  • Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
  • Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
  • Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
  • Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

The Development of Codependency

When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.

As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.

Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.

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Allow yourself to be unhappy

Wanting to get away from the unhappiness doesn’t make it better. It usually just prolongs the pain.

Instead, tell yourself that it’s OK to feel unhappy. Pause and allow yourself to fee...

See the pain as aliveness

Being alive means feeling pain, feeling fear, feeling disconnected sometimes. Allow yourself to feel it, and imagine that this is what living feels like.

Because life isn’t numbness and avoidance, and it’s not all butterflies and sunshine.

Find gratitude somewhere

Find three happy things in this moment to be grateful for.

Even small things we take for granted, like eyesight and music. Having relationships. Being supported by millions of people. Being able to do all the things you can do. You can find gratitude for any of these things, at any time.