Aloneness does not mean loneliness
The trouble is not always in being alone – it’s being lonely in the presence of others.
It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. And when you do decide to come back for someone, do so because you’re truly better off with this person. Don’t do it just for the sake of not being alone.
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We tend to see solitude as grim and imprisoning. But in fact, the exact opposite can be true. Solitude can be seen as freeing, as an opportunity for exploration and growth.
It’s good for us to spend time exploring unknowns by ourselves. It gives us an opportunity to discover who we really are and what life is all about.
Many of us will go to great lengths to distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, phones etc.
Acknowledging this is the first step to healing it. So begin right now by just breathing, alone, and noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the little ways you can simply BE in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.
It’s always better to learn to stand on your own two legs. And once you are self-sufficient, then relying on someone else from time to time is an act of strength, not weakness.
Take small, consistent steps in the right direction, day in and day out.
Everyone you care about does NOT need to support every decision you make.
Even if things don’t turn out as you anticipated, at least you will learn what you needed to learn, and you won’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.
Learning to be comfortable with being alone does not mean you can’t be in a relationship. It means that you will not be codependent and entitled.
What we need is a healthy dose of self-sufficiency. The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development.
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Being alone and, therefore, forced to face our own thoughts, can prove rather disturbing. People need other people to feel well: being sociable is not anymore just a skill to develop, it is a mere condition of our existence. However, learning how to feel well while being alone is another skill at least as important.
We think of solitude in terms of remote cabins or mountain tops. But the real key to solitude is to step away from reacting to the output of other minds: be it listening to a podcast, scanning social media, reading a book, watching TV or holding an actual conversation.
Loneliness has more to do with our perceptions than how much company we have: it is just as possible to feel very lonely surrounded by people as it is to be content with little social contact.
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