... that you know are doomed.  We should not be pursuing every relationship that comes our way, but only those relationships that have the potential to work.

Stop entering relationships

Your reasons for developing self-sabotaging behaviors most likely spring from an understandable and human place. The way out of it is to have insight into who you are in a relationship. Your partner will also have a chance to get to know you, and together you can break the pattern to sabotage.

Be kind to yourself

It helps to view your relationship as a “work of art” that you two are co-creating together, in real-time.
The work-of-art mindset can help counter that pessimistic self-narrative. Instead, you get to stop thinking about yourself and what you’re gaining or losing in your relationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.

Relationship as a partnership

... when you’re in a relationship. Think about those four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and how often do you exhibit any of them.Try to observe your actions and strive to understand the reasons behind them.

Get curious about how you act

This post is part of TED's "How to Be a Better Human" series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here. Before she met the love of her life, psychology researcher Raquel Peel says that she was a "romantic self-saboteur."

Get curious about how you act

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