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Building "Love Maps"

Building "Love Maps"

It means getting to know your partner really well, including his/her internal psychological world.

Ask questions, deep and personal ones. Get past“When will you be there?” or “Don’t forget to pick up milk.”

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MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

The Four Horsemen of The Relationship Apocalypse:

  • Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
  • Defensiveness: responding to relationship issues by counterattacking or whining.
  • Contempt: acting like you’re a better person than they are.
  • Stonewalling: shutting down or tuning out.
Show Admiration

Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner.

Masters see their partners as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are.

The "Story Of Us"

The best predictor of relationship success is how you and your partner tell your “story of us.”

Do you focus on the negative aspects or on the positive ones?  Do you present your partner in a good light or in a bad light?

... is the most important part of a relationship.

How you start those serious relationship discussions predicts how the conversation goes. Start off positive and calm. And then listen.

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RELATED IDEAS

Elements that produce a healthy balance in relationships:

  • Attention: The emotional needs of both partners are being met.
  • Influence: Both partners can engage with and emotionally affect the other.
  • Accommodation: Most decisions are made jointly.
  • Respect: Each partner has positive regard, respect, and admiration for the other person.
  • Selfhood: Each partner can be their own person both within and outside of the relationship.
  • Vulnerability: Each partner is willing to admit faults, weakness or uncertainties in themselves.
  • Fairness: Both partners feel that the responsibilities and duties are divided in a way that supports each person.

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IDEAS

Commitment, Love, and Romance

Good relationships take commitment and effort.

The challenge for couples is cultivating a mature and trusting love that is the key to a lasting relationship.

It's useful to agree in advance to call a “timeout” or “press pause” before arguments begin.

It will give you the time to work through what happened. Because arguing when you are in a low emotional state is not going to help you.