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How To Deal With A Narcissist: 5 Secrets Backed By Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
How To Overcome Narcissism
We all have some narcissism in us. Empathy for others is essential in overcoming it.
If you’re a hard-working narcissist, it may be bringing you enough rewards in the short term to feel like it’s a good idea for the long term. What do you do then? Redirect your narcissism. A lot of narcissists run charities. And they get lauded, praised and admired.
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Narcissists
They have inflated views of themselves (they think they are better than they actually are).
They make fantastic first impressions. But the stuff that works for narcissists so well in the short term proves lethal in the long term.
In job interviews, narcissists get results, but after three weeks people regard narcissists as untrustworthy. They make awesome first dates, but relationship satisfaction with them shows a big decline after 4 months.
Don't deal with them
Narcissists lack empathy, they usually don’t work hard, and in a few weeks to a few months, they make the people around them miserable. And narcissism is very hard to change. So, if at all possible, just stay away.
Kiss Up Or Shut Up
Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein recommends you kiss up to them or at least keep your mouth shut until you can get out of there.
There’s this concept called “narcissistic injury.” Pointing out a narcissist isn’t all they think they are can be like pulling the pin on a grenade. A grenade you have to see every day of your life.
Get Payment Up Front
Never extend credit to, or accept promises from, a narcissist. As soon as they get what they want, they will be on to the next thing, forgetting whatever they said they would do for you.
Make sure you get what they dangle in front of you before you give them what they want. Narcissists will rarely be offended by people looking out for themselves.
“What Would People Think?”
If narcissists believe something will hurt their reputation, they will think twice.
Don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.
How To Overcome Narcissism
We all have some narcissism in us. Empathy for others is essential in overcoming it.
If you’re a hard-working narcissist, it may be bringing you enough rewards in the short term to feel like it’s a good idea for the long term. What do you do then? Redirect your narcissism. A lot of narcissists run charities. And they get lauded, praised and admired.
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People that cause grief
We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.
We can learn enough to recognize i...
High-conflict people (HCP)
- Narcissistic HCPs: They may seem charming at first but think themselves to be superior. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy while demanding respect and attention.
- Borderline HCPs: They start out friendly but can suddenly change into being extremely angry. During this rage, they may seek revenge for minor insults.
- Antisocial (or Sociopathic/Psychopathic) HCPs There extreme charm is a cover for their drive to dominate others through lying, stealing, publicly humiliating people, physically injuring them, and sometimes murdering them.
While these are disorders and these people are suffering, mental health professionals would advise you to keep your distance from them, if at all possible.
Behavior Patterns Of HCP
Everybody has bad days or weeks. To tell if someone is a High Conflict Person, we can look for four traits of behavior.
- Lots of all-or-nothing thinking: When problems arise, it is their solution or no solution. They don't compromise or listen to different points of view.
- Intense or unmanaged emotions: HCPs become very emotional about their points of view. Their responses are out of proportion to whatever is happening.
- Extreme behavior or threats: They engage in extreme negative behavior that includes physical harm, spreading lies about someone else, emotional manipulation, or obsessive contact.
- A preoccupation with blaming others: They frequently blame other people close to them or people in authority over them.
Nobody is perfect, but if someone has all four traits, they almost certainly are an HCP.
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Common errors when reading people
- Ignoring context: Crossed arms don’t mean much if the room is cold or the chair they’re sitting in doesn’t have armrests.
- Not looking for clusters: It’s a consisten...
Trusting your instincts
Your first impressions are usually pretty accurate. But whether they are wrong or right, first impressions affect us in a big way and we are slow to change them.
You have to be willing to update them quite rapidly.
Reading first impressions
- Studies show that if someone seems extroverted, confident, religious or conscientious, they probably are.
- We all pay more attention to pretty people, and so we tend to take the time to evaluate them.
- If you want to know if someone is good at their job, watch them do it for 30-60 seconds.
- Funny people are smart: Effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.
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The importance of friends
Having a weak circle of friends carries the same risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Researchers suggest that the core factors in a happy life are the number of friends, the closeness of f...
Reconnect with old friends
You have probably met a large number of friends through just a handful of people. Those are your superconnectors. Rekindle those friendships and ask them if there is anyone you should meet.
Connecting to people
Don’t be interesting. Be interested.
- Listen to people and ask them to tell you more.
- When they mention something you have in common, point it out.
- Be enthusiastic and encouraging.
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