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10 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist

Loves to Talk About Oneself

A pathological narcissist loves to talk about himself, often in exaggerated and grandiose terms. 

Common conversational topics for narcissists include accomplishments and achievements, exciting and envy-worthy activities, excessive focus on personal issues and concerns, excessive focus on looks and materialism, and putting others down to show one’s own superiority.

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10 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist

10 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/communication-success/201507/10-signs-you-re-dating-narcissist

psychologytoday.com

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Key Ideas

Loves to Talk About Oneself

A pathological narcissist loves to talk about himself, often in exaggerated and grandiose terms. 

Common conversational topics for narcissists include accomplishments and achievements, exciting and envy-worthy activities, excessive focus on personal issues and concerns, excessive focus on looks and materialism, and putting others down to show one’s own superiority.

Charming with a Catch

Many narcissists can come across as alluring and attractive, especially during the initial stages of a relationship.

While there’s nothing wrong inherently with being charming and romantic, the narcissist crafts these traits in order to use others. He or she is not really interested in you, but only in what he wants to extract from you.

Lack of Reliability and Follow Through

Many narcissists lack reliability and follow through. This can range from regularly breaking appointments, to habitually falling through on promises and agreements.

When you observe a pattern of inconsistency between what your partner says, versus what she or he actually does, you may be dealing with a narcissist.

Instant Gratification

Some narcissists, being highly self-centered and self-absorbed, expect instant gratification to fulfill their needs. 

A quick way to detect a possible narcissist is to gently say “no,” or “let me think about it” to a request you’re not comfortable with, and see how your date responds. 

Boundary Breaker

The narcissist often enjoys getting away with breaking rules and social norms, such as cutting in line, chronic under-tipping or breaking multiple appointments.

In addition, pathological narcissists often show wanton disregard for other people’s thoughts, feelings, possessions, time, and physical space.

Entitlement

Narcissists often expect people to cater to their needs, without being considerate in return. In their mindset, the world revolves around them. 

Pay attention to how your date treats service people, such as a waitress or waiter, and other support staff. If he or she orders them around like he’s the king, or picks on minor service flaws, be aware. 

Manipulation

Some narcissists will use their romantic partners to meet unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized ambitions, or cover up self-perceived inadequacies and flaws:

“I can’t wait to show you off to my friends and make them jealous!”

“I talked my girlfriend into letting me live with her rent-free. I also get to use her car.”

Constantly Puts Others Down

Some narcissists will constantly put other people down, to boost their own desirability and acceptability. 

Targets of their negative talk may include “inferior” colleagues, “incompetent” managers, “clueless” friends, and “flawed” former relations. 

Can't stand disappointment

A narcissist will frequently react negatively when you don’t give them what they want, in the way they want it. Some of the common responses include:

  • Anger – Tantrum. Negative judgment. Personal attacks. Ridicule.
  • Passive-Aggression – The silent treatment. Withhold of love and affection). Sarcasm. Calculated separation.
  • Emotional Coercion – Blame. Guilt trip. Calling the partner ungrateful. Threaten to withhold love and intimacy. Pretend narcissistic victimhood.

Lack of Commitment

What distinguishes a narcissist’s lack of commitment is his or her desire to keep the status quo with you, reap the benefits of intimacy, while keeping an eye out for other, perhaps more eligible (in the narcissist’s view) prospects.

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Superiority and entitlement

The world of the narcissist is all about good/bad, superior/inferior, and right/wrong. There is a definite hierarchy, with the narcissist at the top—which is the only place he feels safe. 

Exaggerated need for attention

Narcissists need constant attention—even following you around the house or constantly saying something to grab your attention. 

Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually very insecure and fearful of not measuring up. They constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others to shore up their fragile egos, but no matter how much they've received, they always want more.

Perfectionism

Narcissists believe they should be perfect, you should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it. 

The demand for unattainable perfection leads the narcissist to complain and be constantly dissatisfied.

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Narcissists Will Catch Our Eye

In spite of the exhibitionism, arrogance, vanity and a massive superiority complex, narcissists seem attractive, and alluring to a large section of people.

This surprising out...

The First Impression

While people perceive narcissism to be an undesirable quality in others, the first impression that gets created in seeing a narcissist is a positive one.

It may be due to the narcissists strategically presenting themselves in ways in which they are perceived having high levels of self-esteem.

Emerging Zone and Enduring Zone
  • Narcissists may seem alluring because they seem like a catch, living in the 'emerging zone' of life, which manifests itself in parties, early-stage relationships, and places where making a good first impression is key.
  • When narcissists move towards the 'enduring zone', which involves continuing a relationship, and long-term consequences, they start behaving arrogantly and negatively.

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Narcissists

They have inflated views of themselves (they think they are better than they actually are).

They make fantastic first impressions. But the stuff that works for narcissists so well in the sho...

Don't deal with them

Narcissists lack empathy, they usually don’t work hard, and in a few weeks to a few months, they make the people around them miserable. And narcissism is very hard to change. So, if at all possible, just stay away.

Kiss Up Or Shut Up

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein recommends you kiss up to them or at least keep your mouth shut until you can get out of there.

There’s this concept called “narcissistic injury.” Pointing out a narcissist isn’t all they think they are can be like pulling the pin on a grenade. A grenade you have to see every day of your life.

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