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Anxious-Preoccupied

  • This could be you if you often feel like you give more to relationships than you get back.
  • You worry people don't value you.
  • You tend to exaggerate when you show people the value you place on them.
  • This anxiety might not be attractive to people that don't have the same attachment style.

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It describes the way you relate to others based on how you perceive yourself and the people around you.
  • This could be you if you put your independence above all.
  • You tend to think less of others.
  • You carefully guard your emotions and try at all costs to keep away from rejection.
  • You're more likely to connect with people who express the anxious-preoccupied type because they’re more likely to accept the power imbalance.
  • This could be you if you are independent, but because you struggle with trusting others.
  • You fear that you might get hurt by other people.
  • You seem detached and distrustful and that will influence in a negative way the way people interact with you.
  • With a secure attachment style, you are comfortable with showing and accepting vulnerability.
  • You are self-aware: you know who you are are you are comfortable in your skin.
  • You don’t really worry about being lonely or if people accept you, and being connected to others is as important as maintaining your independence.

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RELATED IDEAS

Avoidant Attachment Style

An avoidant attachment style often stems from a parent who was unavailable or rejecting during your infancy. Since your needs were never regularly or predictably met by your caregiver, you were forced to self-soothe.

As someone with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style:

  • You don’t feel you need others.
  • The more someone tries to get close to you, the more you tend to withdraw.
  • You’re uncomfortable with your emotions.
  • You’re prone to minimize or disregard your partner’s feelings.

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Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influence the nature of your relationships later in life.

There are four attachment strategies: secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant.

We commonly form attachment bonds with a friend. Although we don't talk about it, we do have unspoken psychological expectations when our friends become attachment figures.

The indicator of a secure attachment figure is that s/he is consistent, available, warm, and responsive. But an insecure attachment style (preoccupied, dismissing, or fearful) might struggle with friendship expectations or the ability to provide a secure base to others.