Focus on the positive - Deepstash

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How to Improve Communication in Relationships and Increase Intimacy

Focus on the positive

Experts recommend that for any conversation, you should have a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative statements.

Comparing your partner negatively to someone will be counterproductive to your discussion. Also, stay away judgment words and loaded terms.

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Make small talk

You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.

Shared experiences
We feel closer to others when we can talk about the experiences we have in common. 

Words are not necessary for shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.

Listen carefully
Knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to another. 

Use a technique called “active listening” - a form of listening in which you acknowledge that you understand what is being said. 

The five love languages

The idea is: we all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differences can seriously help your relationships. 

We all show affection in different ways. These “languag...

The five love languages, in a nutshell
  • Words of affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
  • Acts of service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
  • Receiving gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
  • Quality time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
  • Physical touch: It can range from having sex to holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
Love languages for non-romantic relationships

The concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship - it’s useful to understand what matters to people.

It all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so you can understand, empathize and work with them a little better. 

We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.

Don’t accuse

Be conscious not to point blame at your partner by phrasing sentences that start with words such as “You make me... “ or “You didn’t…

Instead, begin by saying, “I feel hurt ...

Listen

Once you voice what’s bothering you, be sure to hear how your partner responds. Give him or her a chance to speak and listen to what he or she says. 

It may be that you’re misinterpreting the behavior, he or she wasn’t conscious of how you feel, or you’re doing or saying something to influence them. 

Be consistent
Healthy communication happens during the smallest of moments, not only at meals and when you’re on vacation. Speak nicely to your partner and try your best not to let stress or other distractions get the best of you. 

A devoted husband or wife will want to support you when you need it most, but not if you take your anxiety out on them or take his or her love for granted.