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6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic
Unresolved conflicts
The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.
Some conflict is inevitable and there will always be certain things you don’t like about your partner or things you don’t agree with, and that this is fine. You shouldn’t let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.
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Unresolved conflicts
The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.
Some conflict is inevitable and there will always be certain things you don’t like about your partner or things you don’t agree with, and that this is fine. You shouldn’t let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.
Being honest
The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.
It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.
Being willing to end it
Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture.
Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
Attraction outside the relationship
Not only are we capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same time, but it’s a biological inevitability.
What isn’t an inevitability are our choices to act on it or not.
Spending time apart
It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence, maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours. Remember what made you attractive and what drew you to your partner in the first place.
Without this space, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.
Accepting your partner’s flaws
The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws.
If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings, that’s a sign of true intimacy. And that things can work out.
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Conflict mistaken for passion
Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.
People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intens...
Keeping the peace
Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.
Keeping score
Keeping track of the things that you do, versus the things that they do is a way to create pressure and conflict where there should only be teamwork.
Sit down together and work out a plan on things like chores or bills, and who does or pays what.
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The Relationship Scorecard
This is when you and your partner continue to blame each other for past mistakes made in the relationship instead of solving the current problem.
Deal with issues individually unless they ...
Dropping “Hints”
It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another.
State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support.
Holding the Relationship Hostage
For example, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me."
It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself.
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Make small talk
You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.
Shared experiences
Words are not necessary for shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.
Listen carefully
Use a technique called “active listening” - a form of listening in which you acknowledge that you understand what is being said.
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