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Relationship Advice: 5 Choices To Help You Stay In Love

Ask In-Depth Questions

Ask the important questions -- about values, money, children, religion/spirituality, past relationships.

If you are afraid to be forthright in your questions, then the fear itself is letting you know that your fear of rejection may be in charge -- which means you have more inner work to do.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Relationship Advice: 5 Choices To Help You Stay In Love

Relationship Advice: 5 Choices To Help You Stay In Love

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/relationship-advice_b_2329771

huffpost.com

5

Key Ideas

Appreciation Rather Than Judgment

Instead of focusing on what you don't like and trying to change your partner with judgment, appreciate what is wonderful about him/her. This doesn't mean avoiding problems, as it is vital to learn from the difficulties but being judgmental is detrimental to love.

Don't Shy Away From Conflict

Much can be learned from how you each deal with conflict, and avoiding it keeps you from that knowledge. 

An inability to resolve conflict is a major reason why in-love feelings fade away.

Ask In-Depth Questions

Ask the important questions -- about values, money, children, religion/spirituality, past relationships.

If you are afraid to be forthright in your questions, then the fear itself is letting you know that your fear of rejection may be in charge -- which means you have more inner work to do.

Take It Slow

For a sexual relationship to be deeply satisfying on the physical as well as on the emotional level, there needs to be deep caring and connection.

It’s important to distinguish the euphoria of infatuation from love, the latter only comes over time. Beware of those who want to rush things as it is often a sign of neediness and narcissism.

Learn To Love Yourself

Do the inner work you need to do to be happy on your own. If you don’t take responsibility for your life and feelings or often judge and harm yourself, you will meet someone who is also abandoning themselves in various ways.

We meet each other at our common level of self-abandonment or health, so do the work you need to do to feel happy, peaceful and full of love inside. 

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Why You Self-Sabotage

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How You Self-Sabotage

Relationships:

  • You keep yourself isolated.
  • You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
  • You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.

Work:

  • You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
  • You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
  • You stay in a job that you hate.
  • You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.
Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior
  • Notice self-judgments.
  • Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
  • Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. 
  • Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings
  • Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. 
Rekindling the Fire

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It is not uncommon to lose the 'fire' and is unrealistic to expect consis...

Love Progression

As the initial stage of love fades away, a deeper, richer sense of each other should take its place, and couples can find more ways to make things interesting and fun.

Look With New Eyes

Staying curious about each other and finding things, memories, places, and activities that are yet to be shared or experienced together is a great way to rekindle the relationship.
Revisiting your past and finding ways to connect better by looking at the other with 'new' eyes makes us see many things that were overlooked earlier.

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Solutions To Basic Communication Mistakes
  • Criticism: complain without blame.
  • Content: regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner.
  • Defensiveness: accept respo...
Couples Who Stayed Together
  • When disconnected, they ache for reconciliation. 
  • avoid blaming each other in arguments or disputes, 
  • try to meet one another’s needs 
  • parent each other a little
  • understand that the future and relationships are uncertain.
Potential External Threats

Be proactive about warding off threats to your relationship. Avoid lots of time apart, or unwise behavior such as hanging out with people you used to be on/off with.

You can’t guarantee fidelity, but you can do your best to make the relationship the container that you each value so highly, that going elsewhere isn’t desirable.

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