You have an eye on the exit
You avoid anything that leads to a bigger commitment. You're always wondering: "if it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?"
Because commitment reduces your ability to leave a relationship without financial or emotional consequences, you tend to avoid it.
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When they spend time with other people without you, you fret, text constantly, experience jealousy, and ask for proof that they're being faithful. This may lead your partner to break up with you because they find you controlling.
You always talk about yourself in self-deprecating ways: "I'm not as smart as you", "I'm just an idiot, why are you with me?", "You're just with me because you pity me", etc.
This is a sign of low self-esteem, and most people do not enjoy being told that they love someone who is worthless.
When your partner wants to address a problem, you avoid the topic or simply say: "I don't think we're having an issue; it's going to go away."
Your partner grows resentful of your inability to face problems together and leaves.
You find fault with every little thing they do, from the way they cook to the clothes they wear. You are impossible to please, and your partner eventually gives up trying and breaks up with you.
You break up with partners on the slightest of issues, only to start dating another person right away and repeat the cycle.
You don't want to be seen as a "player" but you can't seem to find someone who you can commit to.
The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real.
For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it."
We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can become challenged, and that the strains will bring out their worst qualities, such as jealousy, anger, and enmeshment, often leading to self-sabotaging behavior.
Many people can re-work how they attach in adulthood and thrive in romantic relationships.
For many people, the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment keep them out of relationships.
These fears are based on false beliefs, such as success or failure defines my worth as a person.
Whatever your specific relationship problems, it’s important to know that your brain remains capable of change throughout life.
By identifying your attachment style, you can learn to challenge your insecurities, develop a more securely attached way of relating to others, and build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships.
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