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Emiliano L.

@emil32

You gaslight your partner

The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real.

For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it."

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Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships?

verywellmind.com

TOPICS IN THIS IDEA

Love & Relationships

How to Avoid Sabotaging Your Relationship

Romantic relationships offer some of life's greatest joys. They can also cause great pain. As we open ourselves up to another person, we leave ourselves vulnerable to rejection and abandonment, thus fueling some of our deepest insecurities. For many, especially those who have experienced childhood trauma or unstable familial relationships, such insecurities can lead to self-sabotaging behavior.

psychologytoday.com

Understand your attachment style

We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can becom...

Identify your triggers

Journal about the experiences in your relationship that trigger behaviors you experience as self-sabotaging. Ask yourself: What was happening? What did you feel at the time? What were you afraid of? How likely is it that the outcome you feared would happen?

Having an awareness of what triggers these behaviors can prepare us for the inevitable conflicts that arise.

Be mindful of your behavior

Insecurity in relationships is inevitable because everybody has issues to work on.

It’s critical to know what yours are. With this insight, a person can then stop negative behaviors, learn to tolerate the discomfort, and engage in alternative and more healthy behavior.

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Caleb E.

@caleb_e76

Why You're Sabotaging Your Relationships (And How To Stop)

Do you sometimes find that you sabotage yourself in your work or your relationships? Have you wondered why you would do that? One of the things that may help you understand your self-sabotaging behavior is to recognize that you are actually trying to protect yourself rather than sabotage yourself.

huffpost.com

Why You Self-Sabotage

For many people, the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment keep them out of relationships.

These fears are based on false beliefs, such as success or failure defines my worth as...

How You Self-Sabotage

Relationships:

You keep yourself isolated.
You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.

Work:

You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
You stay in a job that you hate.
You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.

Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Notice self-judgments.
Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth.
Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings.
Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself.

Claudia Florescu

@claudiaflorescu

How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships

The attachment bond you had with your primary caregiver as an infant influences your relationships as an adult. Here's all you need to know.

helpguide.org

How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships

Whatever your specific relationship problems, it’s important to know that your brain remains capable of change throughout life.

By identifying your attachment style, you can learn to chall...

What Attachment Is

Attachment is the emotional connection you formed as an infant with your primary caregiver—probably your mother.

According to attachment theory, pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth, the quality of the bonding you experienced during this first relationship often determines how well you relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout life.

Attachment Styles and How They Shape Adult Relationships

The infant brain is so profoundly influenced by the attachment bond. Understanding your attachment style can offer vital clues as to why you may be having problems in your adult relationships. There arefour main attachment styles:

Secure attachment
Ambivalent (or anxious-preoccupied) attachment
Avoidant-dismissive attachment
Disorganized attachment.

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