You are known as a "serial dater"

Journal about the experiences in your relationship that trigger behaviors you experience as self-sabotaging. Ask yourself: What was happening? What did you feel at the time? What were you afraid of? How likely is it that the outcome you feared would happen?

Having an awareness of what triggers these behaviors can prepare us for the inevitable conflicts that arise.

Insecurity in relationships is inevitable because everybody has issues to work on.

It’s critical to know what yours are. With this insight, a person can then stop negative behaviors, learn to tolerate the discomfort, and engage in alternative and more healthy behavior.

This goes back to your childhood. 

For example: if you’re drawn to the excitement of meeting and starting a relationship with someone who has a lack of morals, character and is untrustworthy, try to find out about how your parents’ unhealthy habits have affected your choice in partners.

If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection and you are constantly ‘setting’ up scenarios that lead to your disappointment, you are the puppeteer controlling this. 

Relationships:

• You keep yourself isolated.
• You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
• You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.

Work:

• You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
• You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
• You stay in a job that you hate.
• You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.

Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. 

There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.

However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.

It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.

Appreciating the why of where your intimate partner is coming from is a powerful means of building empathy (without giving up your own opinion) and empathy is deeply intimate. 

Making the effort to understand another person demonstrate a deep degree of caring even in the context of disagreement.

Surprise them by agreeing to take care of a chore you usually protest/avoid; offer to accompany them on something you usually take a pass on; or surprise them with something they care about. 

Surprise generosity is a huge intimacy booster.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
• Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
• Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
• Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
• Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
• Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.

As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.

Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.

• People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection. 
• They are comfortable being alone and independent.
• They can correctly prioritize their relationships.
• They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.

50% of the population is secure attachment types.

• They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
• They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.
• They have trouble being alone or single.
• They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
• They have trouble trusting people.
• Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.

Our personality and life experiences predispose us to dominant modes of thinking, but these can be biased in ways that are unhelpful in the majority of situations.

Maybe you tend to worry people are angry at you when usually this isn’t the case. Or you tend to hesitate too much in making decisions.

When you thoroughly understand your personal thinking errors, you’ll be able to correct these, and this will become easier and almost automatic with practice.            

Streamline your workflow so you can get simple things done without significant willpower.

For example, instead of having a container for pens and scissors in only one room of the house, have these in three different rooms to ensure better tidying.

Strategies like these save time and, more importantly, help free you up mentally.

Self-sabotage can appear in our lives under many shapes:

• procrastination: putting off what we should be doing now
• substance abuse: consuming alcohol and drug often leads to us not reaching our goals
• chronic lateness: this will usually result in you being perceived as a not so trustworthy person
• stress eating: we all know the end of this one- poor diet or even illness
• intimacy and commitment issues: the negative consequence refers to you ending up alone.

Studies revealed two main causes of self-sabotage:

• modeling: individuals tend to self-sabotage as they grew up seeing this in their parents' behavior
• power: persons may tend to self-sabotage by entering into relationships with people who are, one way or another, inferior to them