Getting a better handle on feedback changes you and how other people perceive you.
Think about a suggestion or advice you've received in your life that you've rejected. There could be hundreds of reasons why you didn't take it. Maybe it was wrong or bad advice, or perhaps you were not aware that you cared about their opinion. The problem is that you will always find something wrong with your feedback. 90% of it might be wrong, but 10% may be just what you need.

Receiving feedback is a skill

Psychologists estimate that 50 percent of our reactions are based on genetic wiring, 40 percent on the story you tell yourself, and 10 percent on the actual circumstances.<ul><li>The story you tell yourself about the feedback you get has a huge impact on how you feel about it.</li><li>High achievers. When we let ourselves down, the judgments and feedback we have for ourselves can be the hardest to deal with. </li></ul>

Overreacting to feedback

We have two core human needs. <ul><li>We want to learn and grow </li><li>We also have a need to be accepted and respected and loved the way we are now. Feedback suggests that how we are now is not ok.</li></ul> However, sometimes, the most painful things in our lives are some of the most important things we've learned in life. To get the most out of feedback, we have to learn to manage the pain to enrich our relationships and to get learning faster.

Learn to manage pain to receive feedback

Some people are very sensitive to feedback, while others are the opposite. Both have their own challenges with feedback.The sensitive personOne piece of feedback can suddenly become everything. It becomes super-sized. You may look at all your past mistakes, and it seems like you have never done anything right.The undersensitive person<ul><li>You often don't realise people are trying to give you feedback. They may say, "Bill is doing this," and you think "good for Bill."</li><li>You may acknowledge feedback, but then it doesn't stick.</li><li>People may say you're aloof or overbearing, and you dismiss it outright.</li></ul>

The sensitive and undersensitive person

People all over the world struggle with feedback. In any feedback exchange between giver and receiver, it's the receiver who decides what they're going to let in and whether and how they will choose to change. However, if we could get better at this, it would make a huge difference. Research shows that people who go out and solicit negative feedback, have higher work satisfaction, adapt quicker in new roles and get higher performance reviews.

It's hard to receive feedback

<ul>
<li>Truth triggers. Is the feedback correct? However, we all have blind spots. It's tricky to figure out what the givers are trying to tell you.</li>
<li>Relationship triggers. All feedback lives in the relationship between giver and receiver. We often have a bigger reaction to who's giving us advice than to what they're saying. We can conquer this trigger by separating the who from the what.</li>
<li>Identity triggers have to do with your emotional reaction and what it says about who you are.</li>
</ul>

Three kinds of triggered reactions

<ul>
<li>Identity. Ask your friends or colleagues, "what is the one thing I'm doing or failing to do that you think is getting in the way?</li>
<li>What is the one thing I could change about how I run our weekly meeting that would be an improvement?</li>
<li>What is the one thing that would make a difference to you in our friendship?</li>
</ul>

How to encourage feedback

A collection of 7 Ted talks to inspire you and help you get better at CSM

problemsolving

Problem Solving

business

Business

communication

Communication

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

Top 7 TED Talks On Customer Success

This talk offers excellent insights into why nobody likes feedback, why feedback is good, and how to get the best out of feedback.

Most efforts to improve individual and organizational learning focus on teaching people how to give feedback. After years of consulting with organizations around the world on how to manage their most challenging conversations, Heen and her colleagues realized they may have been thinking about the problem the wrong way. She explains why, if you want to improve learning in your organization, the smart money is on figuring out how to receive feedback—even off-base or poorly delivered feedback—and use it to fuel growth.  With plenty of examples and a natural charm, Heen delivers a talk that will change the way you think about feedback. Most of us have a love-hate relationship with feedback, but Heen thinks we can learn to embrace it for the valuable tool it is. If we handle it right, we can use it to enhance our performance and strengthen our most important relationships. A founder of Triad Consulting Group and a lecturer at Harvard Law School, Heen has spent the last 20 years with the Harvard Negotiation Project, developing negotiation theory and practice. Her work takes her throughout the world, helping people and organizations work through their most difficult conversations.  A New York Times bestselling author of two books, she specializes in particularly difficult negotiations – where emotions run high and relationships become strained. An expert often sought out by the media, Sheila is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children. Learn more about Sheila Heen at http://bit.ly/1IQ0azH. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

videos

Videos

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Most efforts to improve individual and organizational learning focus on teaching people how to give feedback. After years of consulting with organizations around the world on how to manage their most challenging conversations, Heen and her colleagues realized they may have been thinking about the problem the wrong way. She explains why, if you want to improve learning in your organization, the smart money is on figuring out how to receive feedback—even off-base or poorly delivered feedback—and use it to fuel growth.

With plenty of examples and a natural charm, Heen delivers a talk that will change the way you think about feedback. Most of us have a love-hate relationship with feedback, but Heen thinks we can learn to embrace it for the valuable tool it is. If we handle it right, we can use it to enhance our performance and strengthen our most important relationships.

A founder of Triad Consulting Group and a lecturer at Harvard Law School, Heen has spent the last 20 years with the Harvard Negotiation Project, developing negotiation theory and practice. Her work takes her throughout the world, helping people and organizations work through their most difficult conversations.

A New York Times bestselling author of two books, she specializes in particularly difficult negotiations – where emotions run high and relationships become strained. An expert often sought out by the media, Sheila is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children. Learn more about Sheila Heen at http://bit.ly/1IQ0azH.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

TEDx is an international community that organizes TED-style events anywhere and everywhere -- celebrating locally-driven ideas and elevating them to a global stage. TEDx events are produced independently of TED conferences, each event curates speakers on their own, but based on TED's format and rules.

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). 

For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request here: https://media-requests.ted.com.

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