Conflicts at home and work often seem different, but they have similar roots-- and similar remedies. In any relationship, conflict is inevitable-- but it isn’t unsolvable.
Every relationship in every team in every workplace has conflicts. We disagree about big decisions-- who to hire, how to improve a culture, whether to let people keep working remotely. We also disagree about smaller issues-- what time to meet, what to put first on the agenda, and how many pizzas to order-- or at least which toppings.

The Science of Productive Conflict

Extensive research shows that conflict has a big impact on cohesion and performance. The key issue, though, is not how often we have conflict-- it’s how well we manage it. 
The goal isn’t to have less conflict; it’s to have the right kind of conflict. And to do that, we need to start by recognizing what we’re actually arguing about -- which is often not what we think we’re arguing about at all.

The Devil Is In The Details

<ul>
<li>Conflict comes in multiple flavours. Walking down the ladder of inference can help with identifying what kind you’re having. Task conflict is disagreeing about the problem, the solution, or the decision—and that can be both necessary and productive.</li>
<li>Relationship conflict is fighting about differences in personalities or values. And that’s sometimes unnecessary and usually destructive. In healthy partnerships and productive teams, we’re able to have task conflict without relationship conflict. But all too often, they get blurred.</li>
</ul>

Task Vs Relationship Conflict

Psychologists have demonstrated a pattern called solution aversion-- when people don’t like a particular solution, they often deny or dismiss the problem altogether. And if you can’t get people on the other side of a fault line to even recognize the problem, you’re not going to solve it.
Everything should be boiled down to a problem solution statement. And so anyone that has conflict should be able to identify the problem and then come to the table with a solution.

Solution Aversion

Status conflict is about where we fit in the hierarchy that we're in together. 
For example: "I think I'm higher in this informal status hierarchy than you. And you think you're higher in this informal status hierarchy than me or we're equal, but you're acting like you're higher."

Status Conflict

Research shows that fault lines are common within teams -- and between teams. You can have entire groups that dislike and disrespect each other. Which is not good for performance or morale.
Some fault lines are around status conflict-- there are tensions between groups around who’s running the show. Like sales trying to give orders to engineering or headquarters trying to dictate how a satellite office works. Other fault lines are around relationship conflict-- groups have clashing values and personalities. Like tensions between the old guard and new hires.

The Fault Lines

You don’t have to agree to disagree. You just have to agree to disagree respectfully.
The clearest sign of intellectual chemistry isn't agreeing with someone. It's enjoying your disagreements with them. Harmony isn’t the combination of identical sounds. It’s the pleasing arrangement of different tones, different voices, or different instruments.

Agree To Disagree, Respectfully

A conflict might sound on the surface, like basic communication trouble, but actually there are multiple kinds of conflict going on here.
When you're in the midst of conflict, it's often hard to take a step back and see what kind you're clarifying that can help you solve it.

The Hidden Complexities

Creative tension can make beautiful music.
In a culture that deals with conflict effectively, people aren’t afraid to bring their problems to the table. If you can agree on the problem, you have a better shot at finding a solution that works for everyone. And even if you don’t find that perfect solution, you’ve at least strengthened your ability to build consensus around the diagnosis of the problem.

Harmony Isn't About Being The Same

Leaders often say, “Don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions.” They want people to be constructive-- not to whine or complain. 
But if people can only speak up when they have a solution, you’ll never hear about the biggest problems-- which are too complex for one person to solve. And even if they do have a solution, it might be the wrong solution-- or they might be solving the wrong problem.

A Solution Served On The Plate

Tactics for when things get tense at the office to help you diffuse the war at the water cooler.

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De-escalate Office Tension

Conflict Management: Lessons From The Real World

Whether it's over a project, politics, or pizza toppings, conflict with colleagues is inevitable. The goal is not to eliminate it; it’s to handle it better. There’s a whole science of managing individual and team conflicts, and it suggests that we don’t have to agree to disagree. We need to start by understanding what our clashes are actually about—because often, we’re not arguing about what we THINK we’re arguing about at all. For the transcript of this episode, head to  go.ted.com/WLTranscript43. WorkLife is made possible with the support of LinkedIn, Logitech, Morgan Stanley, SAP, and Verizon.  WorkLife listeners—we're running a survey and we'd love to hear what you think of the show. Please give us some feedback at surveynerds.com/worklife. It only takes a few minutes, and it really helps us improve the podcast. Thanks! 

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Whether it's over a project, politics, or pizza toppings, conflict with colleagues is inevitable. The goal is not to eliminate it; it’s to handle it better. There’s a whole science of managing individual and team conflicts, and it suggests that we don’t have to agree to disagree. We need to start by understanding what our clashes are actually about—because often, we’re not arguing about what we THINK we’re arguing about at all. For the transcript of this episode, head to  go.ted.com/WLTranscript43. WorkLife is made possible with the support of LinkedIn, Logitech, Morgan Stanley, SAP, and Verizon.

You spend a quarter of your life at work. You should enjoy it! Organizational psychologist Adam Grant takes you inside the minds of some of the world’s most unusual professionals to discover the keys to a better work life. From learning how to love your rivals to harnessing the power of frustration, one thing’s for sure: You’ll never see your job the same way again. Produced in partnership with Transmitter Media.