• Conflict comes in multiple flavours. Walking down the ladder of inference can help with identifying what kind you’re having. Task conflict is disagreeing about the problem, the solution, or the decision—and that can be both necessary and productive.
• Relationship conflict is fighting about differences in personalities or values. And that’s sometimes unnecessary and usually destructive. In healthy partnerships and productive teams, we’re able to have task conflict without relationship conflict. But all too often, they get blurred.

Status conflict is about where we fit in the hierarchy that we're in together.

For example: "I think I'm higher in this informal status hierarchy than you. And you think you're higher in this informal status hierarchy than me or we're equal, but you're acting like you're higher."

A conflict might sound on the surface, like basic communication trouble, but actually there are multiple kinds of conflict going on here.

When you're in the midst of conflict, it's often hard to take a step back and see what kind you're clarifying that can help you solve it.

Research shows that fault lines are common within teams -- and between teams. You can have entire groups that dislike and disrespect each other. Which is not good for performance or morale.

Some fault lines are around status conflict-- there are tensions between groups around who’s running the show. Like sales trying to give orders to engineering or headquarters trying to dictate how a satellite office works. Other fault lines are around relationship conflict-- groups have clashing values and personalities. Like tensions between the old guard and new hires.

Psychologists have demonstrated a pattern called solution aversion-- when people don’t like a particular solution, they often deny or dismiss the problem altogether. And if you can’t get people on the other side of a fault line to even recognize the problem, you’re not going to solve it.

Everything should be boiled down to a problem solution statement. And so anyone that has conflict should be able to identify the problem and then come to the table with a solution.

Leaders often say, “Don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions.” They want people to be constructive-- not to whine or complain.

But if people can only speak up when they have a solution, you’ll never hear about the biggest problems-- which are too complex for one person to solve. And even if they do have a solution, it might be the wrong solution-- or they might be solving the wrong problem.

You don’t have to agree to disagree. You just have to agree to disagree respectfully.

The clearest sign of intellectual chemistry isn't agreeing with someone. It's enjoying your disagreements with them. Harmony isn’t the combination of identical sounds. It’s the pleasing arrangement of different tones, different voices, or different instruments.

Creative tension can make beautiful music.

In a culture that deals with conflict effectively, people aren’t afraid to bring their problems to the table. If you can agree on the problem, you have a better shot at finding a solution that works for everyone. And even if you don’t find that perfect solution, you’ve at least strengthened your ability to build consensus around the diagnosis of the problem.