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Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships | Mark Manson

Power In Vulnerability

Genuine vulnerability represents a deep and subtle form of power. 

In order to become more resilient, more formidable, you must first show your flaws and weaknesses for the world to see. In doing so, they lose their power over you, allowing you to live your life with more honesty and intention. 

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Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships | Mark Manson

Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships | Mark Manson

https://markmanson.net/vulnerability-in-relationships

markmanson.net

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Key Ideas

What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges and a willingness to accept the consequences.

Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

Telling someone they’re being hurtful

Calling them out when they truly cross the line makes you vulnerable. You’re making your feelings and opinion about the other person known.

Telling someone you appreciate them

Telling someone you appreciate/admire/respect/love them, requires you to be vulnerable because their feelings might not match yours, which could change the dynamics of the relationship.

What Vulnerability Is Not

Vulnerability is not a tactic to use on other people to manipulate them. 

The goal of real vulnerability is to express yourself as genuinely as possible.

Emotional Vomit And Vulnerability

Emotional vomit is when you suddenly unload an inappropriate amount of emotions and personal history onto a conversation, usually to the utter horror of the person listening.

People who do this often expect this act to suddenly fix their issues.  But the point of emotional vomit is to make you aware of your issues, so you can deal with them.

Power In Vulnerability

Genuine vulnerability represents a deep and subtle form of power. 

In order to become more resilient, more formidable, you must first show your flaws and weaknesses for the world to see. In doing so, they lose their power over you, allowing you to live your life with more honesty and intention. 

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The secret to a successful relationship

Research shows that vulnerability is the quality that makes a relationship last.

Vulne...

Why we fear vulnerability

We are afraid we will be rejected if someone finds out who we really are.

When someone is inauthentic, we naturally know they are "fake" people.

Research suggests sticking to the truth improves relationships and may help us overcome negative emotions faster.

Appreciation Rather Than Judgment

Instead of focusing on what you don't like and trying to change your partner with judgment, appreciate what is wonderful about him/her. This doesn't mean avoiding problems, as it is vit...

Don't Shy Away From Conflict

Much can be learned from how you each deal with conflict, and avoiding it keeps you from that knowledge. 

An inability to resolve conflict is a major reason why in-love feelings fade away.

Ask In-Depth Questions

Ask the important questions -- about values, money, children, religion/spirituality, past relationships.

If you are afraid to be forthright in your questions, then the fear itself is letting you know that your fear of rejection may be in charge -- which means you have more inner work to do.

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