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The Real Secret To Intimacy (and Why It Scares Us)

Why we fear vulnerability

We are afraid we will be rejected if someone finds out who we really are.

When someone is inauthentic, we naturally know they are "fake" people.

Research suggests sticking to the truth improves relationships and may help us overcome negative emotions faster.

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The Real Secret To Intimacy (and Why It Scares Us)

The Real Secret To Intimacy (and Why It Scares Us)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/feeling-it/201209/the-real-secret-intimacy-and-why-it-scares-us

psychologytoday.com

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Key Ideas

The secret to a successful relationship

Research shows that vulnerability is the quality that makes a relationship last.

Vulnerability does not mean being weak but implies the courage to always be yourself.

Why we fear vulnerability

We are afraid we will be rejected if someone finds out who we really are.

When someone is inauthentic, we naturally know they are "fake" people.

Research suggests sticking to the truth improves relationships and may help us overcome negative emotions faster.

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Vulnerability
It is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

You cannot outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite. The inability to lean into the discomfort of vuln...

Daring greatly

... is about showing up and being seen, about owning our vulnerability and understanding it as the birthplace of courage.

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both.

  • What’s keeping you out of the arena? Can you name the fear? Where do you want to be braver?
  • Figure out how you’re currently protecting yourself from vulnerability:  Perfectionism, Cynicism, Control etc.
What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges ...

Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

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Brené Brown

“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people mi..."

Brené Brown
Being vulnerable
Vulnerability is a double-edged sword. Those who protect themselves to avoid getting hurt, fail to appreciate intimacy and close relationships.

Everyone is vulnerable, no matter how much they try to avoid it. We are born vulnerable and stay that way for our entire childhood. Our relationship with vulnerability is something we are acquainted with, yet abandon as we merge into adulthood.

Vulnerability = courage
Vulnerability is an act of courage because you merge with your authentic self, instead of hiding behind a facade to appease others.

To embrace vulnerability as your greatest strength, you will need to become aware of your pain points. The paintings of Rembrandt are no less beautiful because of its flaws. It is upon examining it up close that you recognise the defects, while ignoring the complete picture.

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