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The Real Secret To Intimacy (and Why It Scares Us)

Why we fear vulnerability

We are afraid we will be rejected if someone finds out who we really are.

When someone is inauthentic, we naturally know they are "fake" people.

Research suggests sticking to the truth improves relationships and may help us overcome negative emotions faster.

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The Real Secret To Intimacy (and Why It Scares Us)

The Real Secret To Intimacy (and Why It Scares Us)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/feeling-it/201209/the-real-secret-intimacy-and-why-it-scares-us

psychologytoday.com

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Key Ideas

The secret to a successful relationship

Research shows that vulnerability is the quality that makes a relationship last.

Vulnerability does not mean being weak but implies the courage to always be yourself.

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Vulnerability
It is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

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Daring greatly

... is about showing up and being seen, about owning our vulnerability and understanding it as the birthplace of courage.

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both.

  • What’s keeping you out of the arena? Can you name the fear? Where do you want to be braver?
  • Figure out how you’re currently protecting yourself from vulnerability:  Perfectionism, Cynicism, Control etc.
What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges ...

Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

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Vulnerability

It is the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

We don't like to be vulnerable because we can more easily get hurt. But we w...

Vulnerability increases resilience

Without genuine vulnerability, it’s impossible to build the types of relationships that can provide comfort and help us through life's hard times.

The risk of vulnerability may be high, but the rewards of positive, healthy relationships are even higher.

Vulnerability is a part of life

We are vulnerable to viruses and accidents, misunderstandings and pain caused by our fears.

Meaningful social connections sustain us and lessen our overall weakness. When we are able to admit to our vulnerabilities, we free up energy because we no longer have to put effort into maintaining our buffers. 

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