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How to Disarm Internal Triggers of Distractions
The internal trigger
Look for the discomfort that comes before the distraction.
Focus on the internal trigger that precedes the unwanted behavior, like feeling anxious, having a craving, feeling restless, or thinking you are incompetent.
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Key Ideas
Motivation is a complex process
Motivation is a complex process to explain or to realize fully.
Motives are internal experiences that can be categorized into needs, cognitions, and emotions that are influenced by environmental events and social contexts. These internal and external forces can be used to increase motivation by targeting either physiological or psychological needs.
Motivational strategies that show success
- Teachers that plan lessons to be interesting, curiosity-provoking, and personally inspiring have better success in motivating their students to read.
- Leaders have better success in motivating their employees when they take the employees' perspective and invite them to create their own self-endorsed work goals.
- Parents are more successful when they try to truly understand why their children don't want to do something and then take the time to explain to them the benefits of the activity.
Most successful interventions do not try to change another person's motivation or emotion directly. Instead, they make changes to the person's environmental conditions and the quality of his or her relationships to encourage them to leave behind neglectful or abusive ones.
The basic psychological needs
According to Self-Determination Theory, there are three basic psychological needs which we want to satisfy:
- Autonomy (self-determination). We are motivated when we have a choice in terms of tasks, time, team, and technique.
- Competence (capability and effectiveness). Mastery is a mindset. When we strive toward something greater than ourselves, it demands effort.
- Affiliation needs (association and belonging). We are motivated to form long-lasting positive relationships with others.
External rewards do not work because we don't do rule-based routine tasks. Instead, we need to create environments where intrinsic motivation thrives, where we can gain satisfaction from the activities themselves.
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Key Ideas
Self-compassion
Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness and consideration that you would offer to someone else.
Self-compassion helps you cope with tough situations and helps you to be more supportive and caring in your relationships.
Why parents need self-compassion
Parents' frame of mind impacts their children. Parents should not blame themselves when their children struggle.
Since parents lead by example, treating themselves with compassion and without judgment can help their children to do the same.
Make time for mindfulness
Many parents stop meditating once they have children. But new research suggests that even brief interventions can be helpful.
- Take two breaths of kindness wherever you are.
- Find moments of newness while engaged in your daily tasks of living.
- Bring awareness and gratitude to the everyday things you take for granted.
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Key Ideas
Mindfulness
Knowing what triggers your anger
Emotions are made up of 3 components:
- physical (the way your body responds when you experience an emotion),.
- cognitive (the thoughts that go along with the emotion).
- behavioral (the things you do or have urges to do when you experience an emotion).