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The Surprising Science of Soulmates

Building a strong relationship

Arriving at a strong place of comfort and trust in a relationship takes effort. 

Com­munication, collaboration and constructive conflict resolution build and sustain happy and fulfilling relationships despite not being a perfect fit from the outset. 

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The Surprising Science of Soulmates

The Surprising Science of Soulmates

https://www.readersdigest.ca/health/relationships/surprising-science-soulmates/

readersdigest.ca

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Key Ideas

The soulmate

It’s an ancient Greek ideal that a predestined better half is out there. Once found, he or she will bring eternal bliss.

Believing your partner was made just for you can reduce your trouble in a relationship to fate.

Long-term commitments

The idea of a soulmate might be a detrimental way to look at relationships. 

Those who believe in soulmates tend to be less satisfied when they think of the conflicts in their relationships. In the soulmate frame, conflicts are bad and a sign that they are possibly not the perfect fit.

A soulmate is a Hollywood notion

It isn’t the couples who had the most movie-worthy courtships that have long, happy unions. 

The couples who consistently try to see each other’s viewpoints, responsively listen to each other and maintain mutual respect make the real magic happen.

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Self-understanding

To make a marriage work, you have to be the right person.

Rather than looking for the right partner, become aware of your blind spots, growing edges and vulnerabilities. Take r...

You can’t avoid marital conflict

Blaming, oversimplifying, and seeing oneself as a victim are all common traits of unhappy couples and failed marriages.

Conflicts should be approached by looking together at the problem.

A good marriage takes skill

Most of us don’t have adequate communication skills going into marriage. It is important to build this skill.

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Go Sooner Than Later

Most couples don't consider counseling until a real crisis or a catastrophe appears.

It is better to go to couples counseling during a specific life event, strengthening some piece of a rela...

Finding The Right Therapist

Finding a suitable therapist, right for both the partners can take time. Take into consideration:

  • Both partners are comfortable with the choice.
  • Any preferences (gender or cultural background) are taken into account.
  • It should be convenient to schedule an appointment with him, not interfering with other commitments too much.
  • At least two kinds of counselors are spoken to, and then a decision taken.
  • Check online for recommendations or ask for a referral within your friend circle.
Types of Therapies

A good therapist can utilize multiple approaches and will tailor the provided therapy based on the couple's needs. The common therapies are:

  • Gottman Method: Focused on positive communication
  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): helps couples with their emotional needs.
  • Imago Relationship Therapy: Connecting new relationships with old ones.
  • Other approaches like Hypnosis, sex therapy, etc.

2 more ideas

A strong romantic relationship

Extraordinary couples are like everyone else. Except they make their love intentional.

In business, fitness, or even your hobby, you don't passively wait for things to get better. The same i...

The three keys to passion
  • Intimacy: Emotional closeness, communication, feeling that no one knows you better or has your back more strongly than your mate.
  • Thrill: Excitement, attraction, adventure.
  • Sensuality: The entire spectrum from kissing goodnight to holding hands, from making tender love to raw passion.
    Set daily relationship intentions

    Most mornings, commit to spending five minutes with your partner. Think of a relationship intention, then share it. "Today, I intend to be careful with my tone of voice when I feel impatient."

    Commit spending two minutes at the end of the day reviewing your progress and ways to improve it.