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An FBI Behaviour Expert Explains How to Quickly Build Trust With Anyone
Encourage others
Use the ‘RASA’ approach: receive, appreciate, summarise and ask. Also, be curious and ask open-ended questions.
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Trust is a valuable currency
Without it, you can’t build better relationships with anyone.
No matter what you want to achieve in life, building trust from other people will be a big part of your success.
A simple truth about humans
We are all wired for connection, we care deeply about ourselves, we want to feel important, and we like and trust familiar things.
These ideas are the basic foundation for building rapport with just about anyone.
Avoiding discomfort
The first step in the process of developing great rapport and having great conversations is letting the other person know that there is an end in sight, and it is really close.
When you approach someone to start a conversation most people assess the situation for threat before anything else. Discomfort in any conversation with a stranger happens because there is no end in sight.
Look accommodating
The best nonverbal technique you can use to look more accommodating is to smile. You could even match the other person’s posture, speech, etc. because our subconscious naturally picks up on and likes familiarity.
Speak slowly
People who speak fast are usually very excited about what they are talking about. It could also mean you know your subject. Speaking slowly, however, gives you more credibility.
Just listen
For most of us, our natural reaction is to interrupt, but this means that we are never fully present when someone is talking.
Encourage others
Use the ‘RASA’ approach: receive, appreciate, summarise and ask. Also, be curious and ask open-ended questions.
First impressions
Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you.
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Defining "Success"
“Success” isn’t just having lots of money.
Success is continuously improving who you are, how you live, how you serve, and how you relate.
Putting "first things" first
Start the day with your #1 priority.
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Convey genuine appreciation
Actively project warmth and high energy. People like you when they feel liked by you.
To make it clear you’re interested in the other person, think about what they know that you don...
Listen with intent
Being a good listener is about two things:
- Demonstrating that you’ve heard exactly what was said by the other person.
- Encouraging them to continue. This breaks down into what’s called “backchanneling” — offering short, enthusiastic responses as the other person talks (i.e. “yeah” “mm-hmm” “totally” “I can see that”), and asking follow up questions that reference the information you were just given.
Use humility markers
Acknowledging your own fallibility and human imperfection can go a long way toward making yourself relatable. Especially if there’s a power dynamic where someone is asking for your advice, attention or help, you want to put the other person at ease.
Taking the time to call or meet in person also expresses humility.
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Attachment style
Anxious-Preoccupied
- This could be you if you often feel like you give more to relationships than you get back.
- You worry people don't value you.
- You tend to exaggerate when you show people the value you place on them.
- This anxiety might not be attractive to people that don't have the same attachment style.
Dismissive-Avoidant
- This could be you if you put your independence above all.
- You tend to think less of others.
- You carefully guard your emotions and try at all costs to keep away from rejection.
- You're more likely to connect with people who express the anxious-preoccupied type because they’re more likely to accept the power imbalance.
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