We live in a world where people get mad. Often, we tell the person “Calm down.”

Telling an angry person to calm down is simple and direct and about as effective as eating soup with a fork. The person doesn’t want to hear it because they can’t.

Of course, there is a way to help an angry person calm down. It calls on combination of using distraction and then moving into problem-solving. Now, since no anger is the same, no approach comes with a guarantee. But by being in tune with the moment and how the two of you relate, the following phrases can get to calm.

• “How am I right now?”(ask this yourself)
• Nothing (As in, say nothing)
• “Is it ridiculously cold right now?”(This question is off-center to make the person say, “What?”)
• “That’s so frustrating.”(Avoid “...