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You're a bad listener: Here's how to remember what people say
We're bad at listening
We come into conversations with our own agendas and low attention spans, and that can be a dangerous combination.
When you’re doing the talking, though, it’s frustrating if you’re not being heard.
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Key Ideas
Being present in conversations
- Get your face out of your phone and focus your attention.
- Be willing to receive information.
- Be willing to engage in the conversation and to listen with the intent to understand.
- Be willing to stay the course and not let your mind wander.
- Bring the conversation to a close with takeaways and next steps.
- Respect the existence of emotions and their roles and be aware of the body language also.
- Keep your ego out of the conversation.
What happens when you listen
- Listening is the basis for growth and advancement. You can’t advance your skills and knowledge without understanding others.
- Listening is also important because we all want love and respect; we want to spend time with people who listen.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Listen to Learn, Not to Be Polite
Listen from a place of curiosity, not generosity. True dialogue does not happen when we pretend to listen, and it certainly cannot happen if we are not listening at all.
If you ev...
Quiet Your Agenda
Really listen to what someone else is trying to say.
We need information that is disconfirming, not confirming.
Ask More Questions
Ask more questions than you give answers.
When you ask questions, you create a safe space for other people to give you an unvarnished truth.
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Key Ideas
Really see each other
Making eye contact with someone can relieve stress and create a deeper sense of connection.
Even making eye contact with a stranger can soften your heart.
Listen with all of your senses
When you talk with someone in person, notice the posture and body language of the other person. Focus on the tone in their voice. Consider the meaning of their words.
Reach out and touch someone
Touch is a way we communicate and essential to our development. Touch makes us feel safe and encourage trust, love, and compassion.
Reach out to your loved ones and see if you notice a difference.
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Key Ideas
Listening requires mental work
Mistakes we make in conversations
- Evaluate: We judge what someone is saying and agree or disagree.
- Probe: We ask questions from our own frame of reference.
- Advise: We give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
- Interpret: We analyze others' motives and behaviors based on our own experiences.
What makes a great listener
- Asking great questions;
- Playing attention to the nonverbal communication;
- Forgoing taking detailed notes to pay better attention;
- Listening with the intent to understand, not the intent to respond;
- Making people feel heard;
- Following up on what matters.