We often think that love involves a merger of two lives. We expect a loving couple must think the same, eat the same, have the same ideas, have only common friends. If it is not right in every way, we believe we need to reform the relationship.

However, we need just three essential things from one another:

• Kindness: a partner who good-humouredly tolerates our imperfections.
• Shared vulnerability: someone with whom we can be weak, vulnerable, and honest.
• Understanding: someone who is interested in and can make sense of our minds and how we view the world.

If we have kindness, shared vulnerability, and understanding, we will feel satisfied and loved. When differences appear in other areas, we will be content.

If we agree on every other area but lack these three ingredients, we will feel lonely and empty.