Many couples will privately admit that they are frustrated and disappointed with the person they've chosen to share their lives with. They may admit that their partner is too loyal to their annoying family, doesn't share their views, don't want to go on camping holidays,  and the list goes on. But they still love their partner and want to be happy together.

What is driving the frustration is that they have preconceived ideas of how a relationship is supposed to be.

We often think that love involves a merger of two lives. We expect a loving couple must think the same, eat the same, have the same ideas, have only common friends. If it is not right in every way, we believe we need to reform the relationship.

However, we need just three essential things from one another:

• Kindness: a partner who good-humouredly tolerates our imperfections.
• Shared vulnerability: someone with whom we can be weak, vulnerable, and honest.
• Understanding: someone who is interested in and can make sense of our minds and how we view the world.