It’s okay to feel pain
When we get rejected, our brains register an emotional chemical response so strong, it can physically hurt.
We go through almost the same stages as if we were grieving (self-blame, trying to win back our rejecter because we hate being disliked, and feeling like a failure). These feelings are healthy and normal, so long as you don’t end up dwelling on them.
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Rejection is personal, and it’s easy to start questioning your self-worth when someone makes it clear they don’t like you.
But for the most part, being disliked is a matter of mutual compatibility. Keep in mind that likability has a lot to do with what you bring to someone else’s table, whether or not you realize it.
While you shouldn’t always blame yourself if someone doesn’t like you, if you’re finding this is a pattern, you may want to take an objective look at your own behavior.
One way to find out what’s going on is to ask for feedback as to why you’re disliked. Then take a step back an analyze the validity of the feedback.
It's impossible to please everyone. And rejection is a way to figure out who’s compatible with whom: getting axed from a social group gives you space to find folks that are a little more your speed.
You’ll more likely find people who genuinely like you for you, without having to adjust your personality to someone else’s to be accepted.
Spending time with people that care about you can boost your self-esteem and help you to feel more secure.
Being with people who appreciate you will be in the long run a much more fulfilling use of your time and social energy.
The biggest barrier shy people have to overcome is that they have this tremendous sense of self-focus. Popular people focus on others instead of obsessing about themselves.
Popular people are genuinely interested in other people, actively learn more about them, and look for connections.
As the Buddhist meditation practice has morphed into a billion-dollar industry, it’s become the go-to solution for everything from depression to weight gain.
But while mindfulness is very effective for some, it does absolutely nothing for others, and pushing it on them won’t change that.
When we struggle with something that most people don’t seem to struggle with, we start to think there's something wrong with us. And we tend to live in ways that avoid making our struggles obvious: we avoid the situations in which we feel like we don’t fit and that prevents us from ever learning what exactly is happening.
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