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Give out some control
Difficult questions tend to be emotional because the asker is usually frustrated or anxious.
So it might be a good idea to give the other person some control over the discussion. For example, use "I understand you’re frustrated. Would it be helpful if I shared some information about that?"
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Be aware of your tone
Make sure you maintain a polite tone, even if you refuse to answer the question.
Also, mare sure you give out extra information and don't just answer the questions with a “yes” or a “no”.
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Clarify the question
Make sure you're not assuming what you're being asked and take the time to really understand the question.
Insert parts of the question in your answers, but never repeat the negative language.
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Answer part of the question
Find a part of the question you are comfortable answering if answering the whole question is not an option.
This may sometimes be enough to satisfy the other person.
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Watch your body language
The way you hold your body is as important as your tone.
Avoid poses that make you seem defensive (crossing arms or avoiding eye contact).
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Take thinking time
When you're faced with difficult questions, make sure you buy yourself enough time to determine how you want to respond.
Repeating of rephrasing the question could give you some extra time for thinking about how you want to answer.
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Divert the question
Acknowledge the question, but then divert the conversation to a different topic, one you are more comfortable approaching and that interests you more.
Use phrases such as "That’s an interesting question, but I’d like to point out…"
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Postpone your answer
Buy yourself some time by stating that you don't currently have enough information to provide a solid answer.
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Your use of pronouns
Turn around the pronouns to shift the focus on the other person and take it off of you.
For example, you can use: "It’s interesting that you think that" or "‘Why is this question of interest to you?"
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4 Stages of Creative Control
- Preparation: you’re learning everything you can about the problem.
- Incubation: you’re allowing your unconscious mind to work on the problem.
- Illumination: the solution comes to you. It doesn’t tend to happen while you’re sitting at your desk. It might be ...
Address the root cause of your emotions
- Try to have difficult discussions when you are not very emotional. Sometimes you need to walk away to regain control (tell the other person you need a moment), then return to the discussion.
- Write down your agenda for the discussion.
3. Give Your Intention Some Attention
If you want to criticize to help someone improve their performance, approach it from a place of how you would want the information communicated to you.
Stay factual to avoid an emotional confrontation and make sure you create the space for it to be a conversation (versus a directive)...
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