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How to Turn Disagreement Into a Team Strength - Ambition & Balance
Escape your own bias
Take the time to gather facts that support the opposite point of view.
Ask yourself, “What if I’m wrong?”. This will strengthen your argument by anticipating questions, or you’re going to learn something new and take a more nuanced position.
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Key Ideas
Seek to understand
People tend to disagree when they don't understand each other. That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out.
When you come to an understanding t...
Look beyond your own triggers
Whatever may have happened in your past, you have to find a way to get past your triggers and see that you're in a new situation with a person who doesn't mean you harm. What's triggered is usually fear and awareness of one's limitations.
Look for similarities, not differences
Look for common ground. When you concentrate on differences the space grows wider, but when you seek out what you have in common it helps bridge the gap.
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Key Ideas
Be realistic about the risks
Our natural bias is to start by imagining all the things that will go horribly wrong if we disagree with someone more powerful. Yes, your counterpart might be a little upset at first, but most like...
Decide whether to wait
You may decide to hold off voicing your opinion if you want to gather your army first. People can contribute experience or information to your thinking — all the things that would make the disagreement stronger or more valid.
Also, delay the conversation if you’re in a meeting or other public space. Discussing the issue in private will make the powerful person feel less threatened.
Identify a shared goal
Before you share your thoughts, think about what the powerful person cares about. You’re more likely to be heard if you can connect your disagreement to a “higher purpose.”
State it overtly then, contextualizing your statements so that you’re seen not as a disagreeable underling but as a colleague who’s trying to advance a shared goal.
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Key Ideas
Listen to Learn, Not to Be Polite
Listen from a place of curiosity, not generosity. True dialogue does not happen when we pretend to listen, and it certainly cannot happen if we are not listening at all.
If you ev...
Quiet Your Agenda
Really listen to what someone else is trying to say.
We need information that is disconfirming, not confirming.
Ask More Questions
Ask more questions than you give answers.
When you ask questions, you create a safe space for other people to give you an unvarnished truth.