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The importance of perseverance
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What if…?
Ask yourself these questions: “What if the other person had a point? What if I wasn’t being honest with myself? What if I wasn’t taking responsibility for something?”
This will provide a new lens through which you'll see the situation. You might realize that there are things you could take responsibility for, that you were probably ignoring based on your initial triggered response.
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Creating a safe space
Fights often get out of control when you are both full of emotion and expressing it from a place of fear.
One of you has to have enough presence, away from your emotions, to create this safe space within which to have a conversation, to share and be heard.
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Create space
It's useful to agree in advance to call a “timeout” or “press pause” before arguments begin.
It will give you the time to work through what happened. Because arguing when you are in a low emotional state is not going to help you.
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Soft language vs. hard language
- Soft language: it uses “I” statements and focuses on the actions that took place, how they made us feel, and what we want to happen.
- Hard language: it starts with a generic hyperbole like “You always…” or “Why do you never…”
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Then What?
We have a choice to continue our old behavior of blowing past our boundaries to parts of our life outside of work.
In those moments Ask yourself "what if I don't do this today?"
You’ll probably be behind tomorrow, ask yourself again: Then what? Keep digging...
#2 Talk to Yourself
Whenever you feel like punching someone, it’s useful to take a deep breath, pause, and ask yourself the following questions:
- What emotions am I feeling now? Is it anger? Is it hurt? Is it jealousy?
- What were the triggers that caused this emotion?
- W...
Leveraging self-control
Have a clear sense of self, what causes you tension and where your limits are.
- Seek to understand the situation. Gain some clarity by asking questions while managing your own reactions.
- Stick to the facts and acknowledge emotions.
- Paraphrase and ch...
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