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How to Fight Well in Your Relationship - Tiny Buddha
What if…?
Ask yourself these questions: “What if the other person had a point? What if I wasn’t being honest with myself? What if I wasn’t taking responsibility for something?”
This will provide a new lens through which you'll see the situation. You might realize that there are things you could take responsibility for, that you were probably ignoring based on your initial triggered response.
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Soft language vs. hard language
- Soft language: it uses “I” statements and focuses on the actions that took place, how they made us feel, and what we want to happen.
- Hard language: it starts with a generic hyperbole like “You always…” or “Why do you never…”
The softer and kinder our words, the less defensive we become.
Create space
It's useful to agree in advance to call a “timeout” or “press pause” before arguments begin.
It will give you the time to work through what happened. Because arguing when you are in a low emotional state is not going to help you.
Creating a safe space
Fights often get out of control when you are both full of emotion and expressing it from a place of fear.
One of you has to have enough presence, away from your emotions, to create this safe space within which to have a conversation, to share and be heard.
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The Negativity Bias
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Magnified Faults
The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.
The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.
Going Downhill
Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.
Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.
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Relationship app
A relationship app helps people to communicate.
- It can remind people to regularly connect during the day.
- It can be helpful to spark meaningful conversations for people who...
How relationship apps work
A relationship app does little things like sending you reminders to text your partner an expression of gratitude at a certain time of day. It can also guide you through how to start a conversation about, for instance, infidelity.
A relationship app is like a third, neutral party: It shows where a couple's needs and priorities differ. One app combines audio tracks and articles about psychology and marriage health, then translates them into exercises.
The shift in optimizing personal lives
People have started to approach their personal lives like a business.
Marriage spreadsheets can collect and analyze data on everything that might affect the quality of life - for instance, household chores, alone time or hours slept.Applications can act as a manager for children's time, or organize to-do lists and goals.
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Chemistry and the different personality types
It very often happens that we fall in love, while feeling uncontrollably attracted to, with individuals who end up breaking our hearts. Anthropologists found four personality types, as follows:
...The lows and highs of chemistry
Feeling chemistry with someone can lead not only to successful relationships, but also to major traumatic experiences. Not being able to put your needs first, while accepting their drawbacks, only because you are immensely attracted to that person, can actually break your spirit.
Choosing right your partner
According to dating experts, what makes the difference between a successful and an unsuccessful relationship is the trust, intimacy and, most especially, the willingness of each partner to meet the other one's needs. Therefore, next time you feel attracted to someone, try to also observe their reactions whenever you express your feelings or needs. This will be a major indicator of the success of your relationship.
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