What if…?

Ask yourself these questions: “What if the other person had a point? What if I wasn’t being honest with myself? What if I wasn’t taking responsibility for something?”

This will provide a new lens through which you'll see the situation. You might realize that there are things you could take responsibility for, that you were probably ignoring based on your initial triggered response.

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Communication

MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

  • Soft language: it uses “I” statements and focuses on the actions that took place, how they made us feel, and what we want to happen.
  • Hard language: it starts with a generic hyperbole like “You always…” or “Why do you never…” 

The softer and kinder our words, the less defensive we become.

It's useful to agree in advance to call a “timeout” or “press pause” before arguments begin.

It will give you the time to work through what happened. Because arguing when you are in a low emotional state is not going to help you.

Fights often get out of control when you are both full of emotion and expressing it from a place of fear. 

One of you has to have enough presence, away from your emotions, to create this safe space within which to have a conversation, to share and be heard.

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RELATED IDEAS

Getting in touch with deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and anger will allow you to reconstruct appropriate relationship dynamics. You will know you are on track when:

  • You nurture your own wants and desires
  • You say goodbye to abusive behavior.
  • You respond rather than react to your partner.

4

IDEAS

The shift in optimizing personal lives

People have started to approach their personal lives like a business. 

Marriage spreadsheets can collect and analyze data on everything that might affect the quality of life - for instance, household chores, alone time or hours slept. 

Applications can act as a manager for children's time, or organize to-do lists and goals.

  • “Sharing is caring!”. But care is about love and love is about respecting your partner's personal space.
  • “Yeah but if I don’t know what’s wrong, then how can I fix it?” Our partners are not our personal projects. Our relationship isn't a game of codependency.
  • “But I just want them to share!” Yet, we are not entitled to it.
  • "But why won’t they tell me?! Why is that so hard?” Because they don't want to. They may not be ready, or maybe nothing is wrong. You can't push it.

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