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Why It Doesn't Pay to Be a People-Pleaser - Mindful

Living with integrity

It's far better to be yourself and risk having people not like you than to suffer the stress and tension that comes from pretending to be someone you’re not, or professing to like something that you don’t.

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Why It Doesn't Pay to Be a People-Pleaser - Mindful

Why It Doesn't Pay to Be a People-Pleaser - Mindful

https://www.mindful.org/doesnt-pay-people-pleaser/

mindful.org

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Key Ideas

People pleasing

It's the process of trying to guess what other people want and what will make them like us, and then acting accordingly.

It's actually a way of manipulating people's perceptions of us.

We're not that good at pretending

We don’t actually fool anyone when we're trying to look happy, but our real feelings are far from positive.

Our expressions expose us and are registered and mirrored by other people. So trying to suppress negative emotions actually increases stress levels of both people more than if we had shared our distress in the first place.

We find it harder to focus

The act of pretending translates into a big conscious effort of willpower that drains your brain of its ability to focus and do deep work.

Self-control is like a muscle, and like any muscle, when used repeatedly, it tires and will perform poorly. You'll also feel a lot of stress and anxiety in your body.

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