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In many instances, we self-sabotage because we desire acceptance. We don’t actually want to go out, but we do because our friend needs a wing-woman and she doesn’t want to go alone. We put ourselves forward for extra responsibilities at work because we know that our boss wants us to.
“Our critter brain just wants to keep us safe,” Knowles continues, “so if we’re socially anxious, we’re likely to do something that makes us feel accepted again. ”
So what can these behaviours look like?
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Knowles believes that every self-sabotaging behaviour has a positive intention. “But it’s about taking a moment to think: ‘Is this the right action for me?’ ‘Is what I’m doing self-supporting?’” she explains.
She suggests using prompts such as “What do I really want for myself?” and “What d...
Those who are in the throes of self-sabotage are often actively looking for and picking out not just their own faults, but the faults of others.
Whether it’s gnawing self-doubt or a praise complex linked to your childhood conditioning, the idea of putting yourself down before someone else i...
When an individual is self-sabotaging, their internal narrative is overwhelmingly one of “I can’t do this,” or “I don’t deserve that.” Believing you’re not good enough – for your partner, in your job or any other realm of your life – reinforces the feelings of worthlessness or incompetence that c...
Whether it’s constantly staying late to please your manager or always letting yourself be trauma-dumped on, these may seem like positive actions that prove your value as a colleague or friend but people-pleasing behaviour can actually end up contributing to self-sabotage.
“As humans, we wan...
According to Rochelle Knowles, founder of Mindful Eyes coaching, it all boils down to fear.
“There is a part of our brain, the ‘critter brain’, also known as the brain stem, which doesn’t like change, which prompts our compulsion to slip into destructive patterns and essentially self-sabota...
There’s a big difference between being realistic about your chances of something happening and constantly catastrophising that nothing is going to go your way.
Not only does it reinforce negative behaviours that eat away at your potential for success, feeling like a “failure” or “disappoint...
We’re all guilty of putting off important tasks from time to time, but procrastination can also be a way of not taking responsibility for your actions and avoiding rejection.
“𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏.” 𝑸𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒏 3:185
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Self-destructive behaviors can become habits and can continually undermine your success and happiness.
Self-sabotage is when we want something, but somehow we never accomplish it, because somewhere deep in our subconscious we’re fighting against that goal:
They are conditioned by our environment, because it is our tendency to put ourselves into situations in which we feel safe.
When we’re comfortable with one learning style, we do everything we can to create situations and environments that allow us to exercise that learning style. Conve...
We’re scared of where boredom will take us. We want to be entertained, constantly. The alternative, introspection , intimidate us. And so, we drown out our discomfort with distractions.
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