Set want-to goals, not have-to ones - Deepstash
Boost Your Emotional Intelligence

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How to handle conflicts

How to identify and regulate emotions

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Boost Your Emotional Intelligence

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Set want-to goals, not have-to ones

  • Have-to goals are goals set for you by others in the form of pressure, for example, your doctor telling you you must lose weight.
  • Want-to goals are those you set out of conviction and after careful reflection of your true values. 

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MORE IDEAS ON THIS

Behavioral contagion

Behavioral contagion

The ultimate social influence, it’s what causes us to pursue certain behaviors merely because we’re close to someone doing the same. 

This can be physical proximity or psychological relatedness through the media, for example.

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Show up to your emotions, even the bad ones

 Forced optimism can’t be sustained, which means it’s only a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

That’s because even negative emotions can have positive consequences, as long as you face them directly and draw the right conclusions. So don’t smile when you don’t feel...

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Your values will lead the way

Values are what helps you make the small, conscious decisions that add up to a life well-lived.

To help you identify your values, each day habitually ask yourself, “As I look back at today, what did I do that was actually worth my time?”

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Emotional agility

Emotional agility

It means being aware and accepting of all your emotions, even learning from the most difficult ones.

It also means getting beyond conditioned or preprogrammed cognitive and emotional responses to live in the moment with a clear reading of present circumsta...

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SUSAN DAVID

Mentally create distance by imagining going above or far away from the thought you are having.

SUSAN DAVID

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SUSAN DAVID

“The most effective way to transform your life, therefore, is not by quitting your job and moving to an ashram, but, to paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, by doing what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

SUSAN DAVID

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SUSAN DAVID

“The ultimate goal of emotional agility is to keep a sense of challenge and growth alive and well throughout your life.”

SUSAN DAVID

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SUSAN DAVID

"Emotionally agile people are dynamic… able to tolerate high levels of stress and to endure setbacks… to act according to their most cherished values and pursue big, long-term goals."

SUSAN DAVID

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SUSAN DAVID

“Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking.”

SUSAN DAVID

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Bottling and brooding

Bottling and brooding

  • Bottlers ignore, push aside, and avoid—sometimes getting repaid with unexpected outbursts.
  • Brooders complain, wearing out their friends, spouses, or themselves as they rehearse what might have been or what will be—but never moving on.

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Advertising account executive

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"Have to" and "Want to" goals

"Have to" and "Want to" goals

  • Have to” goals are set externally  ( e.g.: a doctor tells you that you should lose weight) and may be more effortful to reach;
  • “Want to” goals are the ones you feel internally motivated to accomplish  (you do your workout because you love how it makes you feel) and usually don't need...

Set Clear and Achievable Goals

The first step towards mastering consistency is to set clear and achievable goals. Your goals should be specific, measurable, and realistic. Instead of saying “I want to get fit,” set a goal like “I want to go for a 30-minute walk five days a week” or “I want to lose 5 pounds in the next month.” ...

Anti-goals

Anti-goals

Anti-goals represent a palpable set of values and actions that we don’t want to have and do. For example:

  • Not wanting to be buried in debt or living above my means
  • Not wanting to be stuck in the office until midnight
  • Not wanting to be unfit or over ...

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