Maria Case's Key Ideas from Emotional Agility
by Susan David

It means being aware and accepting of all your emotions, even learning from the most difficult ones.

It also means getting beyond conditioned or preprogrammed cognitive and emotional responses to live in the moment with a clear reading of present circumstances, respond appropriately, and then act in alignment with your deepest values.

 Forced optimism can’t be sustained, which means it’s only a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

That’s because even negative emotions can have positive consequences, as long as you face them directly and draw the right conclusions. So don’t smile when you don’t feel like it. 

• Bottlers ignore, push aside, and avoid—sometimes getting repaid with unexpected outbursts.
• Brooders complain, wearing out their friends, spouses, or themselves as they rehearse what might have been or what will be—but never moving on.

• Have-to goals are goals set for you by others in the form of pressure, for example, your doctor telling you you must lose weight.
• Want-to goals are those you set out of conviction and after careful reflection of your true values. 

The ultimate social influence, it’s what causes us to pursue certain behaviors merely because we’re close to someone doing the same. 

This can be physical proximity or psychological relatedness through the media, for example.

Values are what helps you make the small, conscious decisions that add up to a life well-lived.

To help you identify your values, each day habitually ask yourself, “As I look back at today, what did I do that was actually worth my time?”