Learn more about personaldevelopment with this collection
How to communicate effectively with difficult people
How to handle conflict
How to stay calm under pressure
"You're going to love helping me!"
Don't try and convince someone how much they will enjoy helping you. It reeks of control and is presumptive. It drains their joy out of helping.
How they feel is for them to decide.
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A small favor
One common tactic is to portray the help we need as so small, that it is barely a favor. "Would you add these updates to the database? It won’t take you more than five minutes.”
It is conveying that you think the work the other person does is easy, quick, trivial and not very taxing....
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313 reads
Scorekeeping
While reciprocity does make people more likely to comply with the request, it also makes us feel controlled, which takes all the fun out of it.
Reminding someone that they owe you a favor does not create good feelings. Scorekeeping is fundamentally bad for relationships.
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Focus on the benefactor
The motivation to be helpful is tied to your helper’s identity and self-esteem. People help because they want to be admired.
- Other-praising (Acknowledging and validating the character or abilities of the giver.) “You go out of your way …” or “I feel like you’re really...
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364 reads
Related collections
More like this
Emphasizing The Other Person's "Benefits"
Helping does make people happy, but reminding them of this generally drains the joy out of helping. It reeks of manipulation and control, undermining the helper’s sense of autonomy, and it’s very presumptive.
Helping a loved one
Many people try to help a loved one make significant life changes but fail. They may try to help a spouse quit smoking or get a roommate out of an abusive relationship. They may feel that if they don't help, the person will come to ruin.
Instead of helping, they are engaged in enabling be...
Helping someone who is grieving
- The best support comes from just being there and making it clear that you’re available to listen to the things they want to share with you;
- It can be frigthening to message someone who is grieving and check up on them, but don't let fear stop you f...
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