Focus on the benefactor

The motivation to be helpful is tied to your helper’s identity and self-esteem. People help because they want to be admired.

Other-praising (Acknowledging and validating the character or abilities of the giver.) “You go out of your way …” or “I feel like you’re really good at that.”
Self-benefit (Describing how the receiver is better off for having been given help). “It let me relax.” or “It makes me happy.”

138 SAVES

EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

How to ask for help without making it weird

.no-js-favicons?domain=qz { display: none !important; }

qz.com

One of the most common misconceptions about giving is that, if you are doing it right, it's entirely about the other person. That giving is not supposed to be about you. But this is nonsense. The choice to help another person is often, if not always, at least in part about how you see yourself and how helping will make you feel.

Key Ideas

Reinforcing People’s Helpfulness

.no-js-10436 { display: none !important; }

Strong sense of in-group: the belief that the person in need is on your team makes us more helpful to them as we care about what happens to the in-group.
Opportunity to...

2 types of gratitude expression

Other-praising: involves acknowledging and validating the character or abilities of the giver;
Self-benefit: which describes how the receiver is better off for having been given help.

The former makes people feel better with themselves and that you are more grateful when compared to the latter.

Reminding People That They Owe You One

If you have to remind someone that they owe you one, chances are they don’t feel as if they do. Reminding them that they owe you a favor both makes the other person feel as if you’re trying to control them and it makes the other person feel as if you’re keeping a scorecard, and that’s fundamentally bad for relationships.

6 more ideas

.no-js-aHR0cHM6Ly9oYnIub3JnL3Jlc291cmNlcy9pbWFnZXMvYXJ0aWNsZV9hc3NldHMvMjAxOC8wNC9SMTgwM01fTU9OVEFORVIucG5n { display: none !important; }

The Right Way to Ask for Help at Work

.no-js-favicons?domain=hbr { display: none !important; }

hbr.org

Few of us enjoy asking for help. As research in neuroscience and psychology shows, the social threats involved-the uncertainty, risk of rejection, potential for diminished status, and inherent relinquishing of autonomy-activate the same brain regions that physical pain does.

Key Ideas

What Not To Do When Asking For Help

.no-js-10516 { display: none !important; }

Instruct people.
Tell or imply that they should help our debt they don’t have a choice about it.
Using unnecessary prefaces makes people feel trapped.
Profusely apologi...

Reinforce A Request For Help

In-group: Assuring that you’re on the helper’s team and the team’s importance taps into our need to belong to and perpetuate supportive social circles.
Positive identity: Creating or enhancing their recognition that they are uniquely placed to provide assistance and that they aren’t just “people who can help” but routinely helpful people.
Effectiveness: People want to know the impact of the aid they will give. Knowing one’s actions have an effect is a fundamental human motivation.

Research Results On Helpfulness

Studies indicate that people are willing to help more often than we expect.
Studies suggest that we underestimate how much effort those who do agree to help will put in.
Those who help others get to feel better with themselves than those who don’t.

one more idea

.no-js-aHR0cHM6Ly9jZG4ucHN5Y2hvbG9neXRvZGF5LmNvbS9zaXRlcy9kZWZhdWx0L2ZpbGVzL3N0eWxlcy9pbWFnZS1hcnRpY2xlX2lubGluZV9mdWxsL3B1YmxpYy9maWVsZF9ibG9nX2VudHJ5X3RlYXNlcl9pbWFnZS9waG90by0xNDU2NDA2NjQ0MTc0LThkZGQ0Y2Q1MmEwNl8wLmpwZWc_aXRvaz1qaUxnajJPbQ { display: none !important; }

7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help (and Get It)

.no-js-favicons?domain=psychologytoday { display: none !important; }

psychologytoday.com

These simple tips will increase how receptive people are to your requests for help. They mainly apply to asking for help from people you know, but some apply to customer-service situations as well. 1. Demonstrate that you've tried to help yourself. People are more inclined to want to help those who've attempted to help themselves first.

Key Idea

Tips To Better Ask For Help

.no-js-aHR0cHM6Ly9jZG4ucHN5Y2hvbG9neXRvZGF5LmNvbS9zaXRlcy9kZWZhdWx0L2ZpbGVzL3N0eWxlcy9hcnRpY2xlLWlubGluZS1oYWxmL3B1YmxpYy9maWVsZF9ibG9nX2VudHJ5X2ltYWdlcy9zaHV0dGVyc3RvY2tfMjg0NTcwMzIxLmpwZz9pdG9rPU1JRlNyVlk5 { display: none !important; }

Demonstrate that you've tried to help yourself. Briefly explain what you've tried independently so they know you've tried to solve your problem for yourself before.
Demonstra...