Focus on the person, not the problem - Deepstash

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Focus on the person, not the problem

Our ability to solve problems is helpful in life, but it is the wrong thing to do in situations when people simply want to be heard, understood, and feel connected.

When someone is scared, angry, depressed, or just upset, they don't want to feel like something is wrong with them. When you give unsolicited advice to someone who is struggling, you make them feel like a problem. Give advice when someone asks for it, otherwise, hold off on your wisdom and instead focus on being present.

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MORE IDEAS FROM THE SAME ARTICLE

The idea of being a good listener is almost a cliche. Yet, most of us are terrible at it.

Defensiveness sabotages your ability to be a good listener. People become defensive when they feel threatened in a relationship.

Paraphrase what the person has said back to you.

Being a good listener is not about getting the facts about what made them upset. It is to be supportive, offer encouragement, and empathize.
Ask open-ended questions to communicate that you're interested in them. Avoid questions beginning with 'Why' and use 'What' or 'How' instead....

When we acknowledge and validate how someone feels, we send them the message that we understand them on a deeper level.

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