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2 types of gratitude expression

2 types of gratitude expression

  • Other-praising: involves acknowledging and validating the character or abilities of the giver;
  • Self-benefit: which describes how the receiver is better off for having been given help. 

The former makes people feel better with themselves and that you are more grateful when compared to the latter.

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Reinforcing People’s Helpfulness

  • Strong sense of in-group: the belief that the person in need is on your team makes us more helpful to them as we care about what happens to the in-group.
  • Opportunity to reinforce the helper’s positive identity: people help more when they reflect o...

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518 reads

Emphasizing The Other Person's "Benefits"

Emphasizing The Other Person's "Benefits"

Helping does make people happy, but reminding them of this generally drains the joy out of helping. It reeks of manipulation and control, undermining the helper’s sense of autonomy, and it’s very presumptive.

160

371 reads

Overdoing It On Empathy

Overdoing It On Empathy

Empathy is elicited when we perceive someone or something in need, when we value their welfare, and most importantly, when we take their perspective.

Eliciting empathy can be a very effective way to obtain support. But it stops working the moment the pain becomes too great, as the...

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323 reads

Portraying Help As A Tiny Favor

Portraying Help As A Tiny Favor

By minimizing our request, we also minimize the helper’s help and thus minimize any warm feelings the act of helping us might have generated.

159

410 reads

The Selfish Motivation For Helping

The Selfish Motivation For Helping

It’s a common misconceptions that giving is not supposed to be about you. But choosing to help another is often, if not always, at least in part about how you see yourself and how helping will make you feel. And this is a good thing, because the benefits of helping to the helper pro...

162

367 reads

Reminding People That They Owe You One

Reminding People That They Owe You One

If you have to remind someone that they owe you one, chances are they don’t feel as if they do. Reminding them that they owe you a favor both makes the other person feel as if you’re trying to control them and it makes the other person feel as if you’re keeping a scorecard, and that’s fund...

171

392 reads

Using Disclaimers

Using Disclaimers

Some feel the need to clarify that they are not asking for help out of laziness or weakness. Although understandable, the people asked to help this way may feel imposed upon as they can’t get a lot of personal satisfaction from helping you knowing that you hated having to ask.

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339 reads

Apologizing Profusely

Apologizing Profusely

Being part of a group implies occasional mutual reliance and reciprocity. Excessively apologizing and justifying a request for help implies that you don’t feel part of the group, increasing the gap between people and severing feelings of connectedness.

Instead, make a request and off...

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jackh

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Focus on the benefactor

The motivation to be helpful is tied to your helper’s identity and self-esteem. People help because they want to be admired.

  • Other-praising (Acknowledging and validating the character or abilities of the giver.) “You go out of your way …” or  I feel like you’re really...

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