<div>People-pleasing is essentially a form of lying.</div><p>And we do it not to obtain some sort of advantage over someone, but because we deeply fear the annoyance and dissatisfaction of the people around us.</p>

A Type Of Lie

<div>It's the person that feels that most of the time there is no other option but to adjust to the expectations of others, and yet harbors a lot of hidden resentment.</div><p>This is a dangerous path: they end up confusing everyone around them by failing to express their true needs and feelings and they also build up a lot of frustration.</p>

The People Pleaser

<div>It is related to being around people (usually our parents) who seem to have a really hard time and even be unable to accept and forgive some odd but sometimes necessary facts about their child.</div><p>To survive, we decide to be responsive to what others expect us to do and be, leaving aside what we really want.</p>

Origins Of People Pleasing

<div>We don't always lie out of fear. We may see people-pleasing as a form of love, for someone whom we perceive to be vulnerable (to keep them in a good mood or to avoid adding another burden to their life).<br></div>

Love And Fear

<div class="insight_content"><ul><li>Keep in mind that the people that now in adulthood surround you (colleagues, friends, partners) are most likely very different from the ones that influenced your anxieties during childhood.</li><li>Be aware of the side effects of people-pleasing: even if you have good intentions, you are in fact creating problems by not speaking up more frequently.</li><li>You can learn to reframe the way you deliver your messages,  especially when it comes to difficult, sensitive topics.</li></ul></div>

Stop Being a People Pleaser

The first 500 people to click this link will get a 2 month free trial of Skillshare: https://skl.sh/tsol3<br>People-pleasing behavior, while ostensibly pleasant, causes enormous difficulties for us, especially in relationships and in love. We need to grow  better able to disappoint others, and to stop fearing calamity when we do so.<br>For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2GWIpTN<br>Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ <br>Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://bit.ly/2v7etmz<br>2JGOpBZ<br><br>FURTHER READING<br><br>“Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea. But it is a pattern of behaviour riddled with problems, as much for the perpetrator as for their audience; the people-pleaser is someone (who might at times be oneself) who feels they have no option but to mould themselves to the expectations of others, and yet, harbours all manner of secret and at points dangerous reservations and resentments. They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings are far darker; they give their assent to plans they hate; and they confuse everyone around them by failing to express, in due time, with the requisite courage, their authentic needs and ambitions...”<br><br>You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2JDQ0sh<br><br>MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE<br><br>Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2GRZJNU<br><br>Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: <br>http://bit.ly/TSOLself<br><br>You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 <br>Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB <br><br><br>SOCIAL MEDIA<br><br>Feel free to follow us at the links below:<br><br>2JGOpBZ<br>Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  <br>Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife   <br>Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ <br><br><br>CREDITS<br><br>Produced in collaboration with:<br>Marcie LaCerte<br>http://marslizard.net/ #TheSchoolOfLife

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

The first 500 people to click this link will get a 2 month free trial of Skillshare: https://skl.sh/tsol3
People-pleasing behavior, while ostensibly pleasant, causes enormous difficulties for us, especially in relationships and in love. We need to grow  better able to disappoint others, and to stop fearing calamity when we do so.
For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2GWIpTN
Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ 
Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://bit.ly/2v7etmz
2JGOpBZ

FURTHER READING

“Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea. But it is a pattern of behaviour riddled with problems, as much for the perpetrator as for their audience; the people-pleaser is someone (who might at times be oneself) who feels they have no option but to mould themselves to the expectations of others, and yet, harbours all manner of secret and at points dangerous reservations and resentments. They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings are far darker; they give their assent to plans they hate; and they confuse everyone around them by failing to express, in due time, with the requisite courage, their authentic needs and ambitions...”

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2JDQ0sh

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2GRZJNU

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLself

You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 
Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB 


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

2JGOpBZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife   
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ 


CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:
Marcie LaCerte
http://marslizard.net/ #TheSchoolOfLife

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

We offer online psychotherapy: www.theschooloflife.com/therapy

We publish one film a week, on Wednesdays at 14.00hrs GMT.

The People Pleaser

Similar ideas to The People Pleaser

The "8-hour sleep" myth

Talking About The Weather: One Of The Most Common Conversation Starters

Three types of people that struggle to find love