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How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
And we do it not to obtain some sort of advantage over someone, but because we deeply fear the annoyance and dissatisfaction of the people around us.
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Key Ideas
Some of the reasons why we are not that good at friendships is the fact that we don't have a clear idea of what a really good friend might be like.
Maybe we should try ...
Ideal friends know how to show weakness. They let us know awkward and embarrassing things about themselves.
They show how much they trust us by confessing mistakes and hardships that have the potential to open them up to possible humiliation from the world beyond.
Ideals friends are genuinely interested in our hardships; they are not shocked by the odd and stupid things we've done.
They are not judgmental or critical of our weaknesses, because they are well aware of their own more troubled sides.
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Key Ideas
If you ever say "yes", when you want to say "no", or nod in agreement when you don't agree, you've probably experienced people pleasing.
People-...
People are often unaware of their people-pleasing behavior. The habit can become so ingrained that it's automatic.
It takes full commitment to stay aware with an intention to change. Write a list of all the things you would normally do in an effort to please. Take note of each time you do them and figure out how you will change it next time.
When you label yourself with "I am...," it has the potential to become your identity. "I am a people pleaser. I am not liked."
Never describe yourself as a people pleaser. Instead, describe your behavior as you make a decision to change it.
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Key Ideas
You can sense this happening when people rush to talk over one another.