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How To Win An Argument Without Making Enemies
Releasing Tension
- Slowing things down: take a deep breath before speaking, to create a pause, to reduce the tension and to open up the other person to your position.
- Inflections: upward inflections are good for de-escalating conflict because they show you are not there to control and command.
- The ability to crack a joke and the ability to take a joke and laugh make you more persuasive, give the impression of being on the same side and release the tension.
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Key Ideas
Win Arguments
... without making enemies:
- Make sure you communicate you are not there to fight (using your tone of voice, for example).
- Avoid making statements; instead, ask questions.
- Defend yourself with confidence, but without coming across as antagonistic.
Raising Your Voice
When the conversation gets heated, we tend to raise our voices and talk faster. This is a dangerous path because now the ability of both sides to change their minds is close to zero. We dig even deeper into our initial positions and beliefs and no matter how good an argument is, it is not going to be received by the other side.
You can sense this happening when people rush to talk over one another.
Releasing Tension
- Slowing things down: take a deep breath before speaking, to create a pause, to reduce the tension and to open up the other person to your position.
- Inflections: upward inflections are good for de-escalating conflict because they show you are not there to control and command.
- The ability to crack a joke and the ability to take a joke and laugh make you more persuasive, give the impression of being on the same side and release the tension.
Asking Questions
When having arguments, avoid making statements and use questions instead. These tend to come across as less confrontational. Examples of questions:
- Genuine questions to better understand the other position. After you receive and answer to them, state back to the other person, in your own words, their beliefs, to confirm you actually get it.
- Questions aimed at the inconsistencies of the other part, but in a non-accusatory way.
The Socratic Method
When you're in the middle of an argument, frame your disagreements in the form of questions.
This gives the other person a chance to respond without feeling cornered and threatened.
Defending Yourself
Use the " Yes, but..." technique: find agreement and follow your agreement up by showing when you disagree.
Finding any form of agreement is crucial in winning an argument, even if your position if perfectly logical. But you have to know exactly when you agree with someone (regarding which parts of their position) and when you don't.
The Right Mindset
- In every argument, you are not necessarily right.
- Adjusting your beliefs in the face of evidence does not diminish you.
- if you did your part of trying to understand the other position and they are still wrong, this is never because they are evil, but because they are ignorant to a certain extent.
Trevor Noah
"I don't want to destroy you. I want to engage with you. And I think ... if you have ideas you believe in, you should be willing to engage or you should be willing to test those ideas against somebody that you don't agree with."
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Check Out Charisma University: https://bit.ly/2XcFYEf Subscribe to Charisma On Command's YouTube Account: http://bit.ly/COC-Subscribe Like it or not we have all been awkward at different points in our lives. Sometimes that awkwardness gets in the way of connecting with other people or even feeling confident in ourselves.
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Key Ideas
Turn awkwardness into confidence
- Adjust your body language.
- Learn to handle friendly teasing.
- Tell your own embarrassing stories.
- Let go of managing people's opinio...
Body language plays a big role
By simply adjusting your body language, you can improve both how you see yourself (thus, improving your self-confidence) and how other people see you.
The '3-second rule' of eye contact
Give everyone in your audience at least 3 seconds of continuous eye contact before moving to the next person. This is usually enough to make people feel included in a conversation.
The '3-second rule' is a great and simple way to engage your audience and convey a sense of ease with it, even when you're feeling nervous.
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