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We all make snap first impressions about each other - here's how to slow down
The Five-Second Rule
Instead of unconsciously staring, and subsequently judging the other person, a better way is to consciously observe.
For five seconds, see the other person, without making assumptions, judgements or wrong impressions, and just observe neutrally.
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Stop entering relationships
... that you know are doomed. We should not be pursuing every relationship that comes our way, but only those relationships that have the potential to work.
Get curious about how you act
... when you’re in a relationship. Think about those four horsemen of the relationships apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and how often do you exhibit any of them.
Try to observe your actions and strive to understand the reasons behind them.
Relationship as a partnership
It helps to view your relationship as a “work of art” that you two are co-creating together, in real-time.
The work-of-art mindset can help counter that pessimistic self-narrative. Instead, you get to stop thinking about yourself and what you’re gaining or losing in your relationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.
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Defensive failure
It's what occurs when we want to achieve something and we think about it constantly but we don't do it.
This happens because of a few mental blocks that are keeping us locked in this c...
“I just don’t think I can do this”
Experiencing a rocky start is enough sometimes to discourage us from going any further and we convince ourselves we don't have what it takes to do a certain task.
How to outsmart it: Develop a growth mindset and try to see each failure as just an opportunity to learn.
“People like me aren’t good at this”
While our identities can give us a sense of meaning and a place in the world, sometimes they can get in our way when we’re attempting new things: many of us will avoid doing anything that threatens our sense of self.
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The journey through suffering
The five stages of grief are described as anger, bargaining, denial, depression, and acceptance. Yet, when a tragedy strike, we already know how bad things are. What is most needed is hope.
Suffering as part of life
We live in an age where many feel that they are entitled to a perfect life. But at some stage, everyone will face a tragedy.
When tough times do come, resilient people seem to recognize that suffering is part of every human life. Understanding this stops you from feeling discriminated against when trouble comes.
Directing your attention
Resilient people typically manage to focus on the things they can change and accept the things they can't.
Don't get swallowed up by your troubles. Don't lose what you still have to what you have lost.