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How Negativity Can Kill a Relationship

The Negativity Bias

The Negativity Bias
... or the Negativity Effect is a tendency most of us have to respond more strongly to negative events and emotions than to positive ones.
Any further action that is provoked due to the negative judgement can lead to a downward spiral in our communication. Our irrational impulses can ruin any good relationship.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

How Negativity Can Kill a Relationship

How Negativity Can Kill a Relationship

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/01/negativity-can-ruin-relationships/604597/

theatlantic.com

8

Key Ideas

The Negativity Bias

... or the Negativity Effect is a tendency most of us have to respond more strongly to negative events and emotions than to positive ones.
Any further action that is provoked due to the negative judgement can lead to a downward spiral in our communication. Our irrational impulses can ruin any good relationship.

Magnified Faults

The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.

The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.

Going Downhill

Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.

Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.

How We Respond

There are four ways a partner response to something he or she doesn't like in the other:

  1. Ignore.
  2. Talk and find some solution.
  3. Keep sulking while providing silent treatment.
  4. Try to break up or start looking for other partners.

"It is not so much the good, constructive things that partners do or do not do for one another that determines whether a relationship 'works' as it is the destructive things that they do or do not do in reaction to the problems."

"It is not so much the good, constructive things that partners do or do not do for one another that determines whether a relationship 'works' as it is the destructive things that they do or do not do in reaction to the problems."

Early Feelings

A new relationship that looks promising can make us think it will be happy forever, as we feel happy at that time.

A study shows that even after a couple of years the same people who were happy which each other show different kinds of behaviour, both positive and negative.

Same-Sex Couples

Negativity seems to be less of a problem in same‑sex couples.

Both male and female couples tend to be more positive than heterosexual couples when dealing with conflict, both in the way that they introduced a disagreement and in the way that they responded to the criticism, and they remained more positive afterward.

Conflict Patterns

The “female‑demand, male‑withdrawal” is the most known conflict pattern in heterosexual couples.

This happens when women start complaining or initiate criticism and men respond by withdrawing.

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Keeping the peace

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Keeping score

Keeping track of the things that you do, versus the things that they do is a way to create pressure and conflict where there should only be teamwork. 

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Negative relationship dynamics

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Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked. 

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How relationship apps work

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A toxic relationship

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Warning signs

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